Say You Won't Let Go
by Kachelle486
Summary: Meredith Grey is an extraordinary wife, mother, and surgeon but when her heart was ripped out from the death of her husband, how will she ever move on with her life. Disclaimer: This is a happy ending for Meredith and derek, must read to find out how ;)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note/story background:**

 **Hello my fellow Merder fans, it's been a while for me. I've been working on this story for months now, I have half of it written so I decided it was time to start publishing this. I just want you to enjoy and live on loving Merder even if they are no longer together. Now on with a better summary.**

 _This story takes place almost in the same train of events as Grey's Anatomy only the twist is that Derek never came to Seattle, Meredith instead fell for a man named Charles. He was also an extraordinary neurosurgeon, but he was never married and their story was nothing like the Meredith and Derek tale. She had two children with this man and she thought he was the love of her life... Charles took the place of Derek in the S11E21 crash and died. You will see how this story takes off into a dazzling story between Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey. Hope you enjoy._

Meredith sat on the couch, staring off into space. Her heart beating, unable to catch her own breath. It didn't feel real, the loss of the amazing man she had been married to for seven years. She never imagined herself getting married as a child, she never imagined having children either but she had two amazing, beautiful children.

She couldn't imagine how it would be to be a single mother and a rising general surgeon. She didn't want to fail like her mother, that was one thing. She saw the crowds begin to leave her home, all that was left were the main people she had in her life. She had her supportive sister Lexie, her person Cristina, her best friend Alex, Lexie's husband Mark and her two children. Those were the only things keeping her sanity.

She knew she wasn't alone, but she felt so alone and empty. She looked around and the trays of half-eaten food and how her sister tried to clean up the mess. Her daughter Scarlett helped her aunt, she just wanted to help every since Charlie died. Alex held CJ in his lap as they watched a football game together, the both were so into the game, they didn't notice everyone had left. Mark sat down carefully next to her and put his arm around her shoulder.

"You are a strong woman, Meredith Grey," he said as he squeezed her shoulder. She let her head fall against his shoulder. Mark was like a brother to her, every since Lexie brought him home from New York four years ago.

"Thanks Markie," she smiled as she patted his leg. Her body allowed her to stand as she walked to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of wine. She needed something to numb the pain in her heart.

"Lex, you don't have to do that," Meredith said as she poured herself a glass of wine. She very much appreciated the help she was getting.

"I know Mer, but I want to," Lexie nodded.

"Scar, it's almost time for bed. Go brush your teeth please," Meredith gave her a smile and the honey haired little girl happily went up the stairs. Scarlett was handling it alright, Meredith knew by the morning that she would not only have CJ in her bed but also Scarlett. She and her father were best friends, they did everything together.

Meredith made it over to the recliner where Alex was sitting with a small blonde toddler in his lap. The little boy chewed on his pacifier as his eyes were glued to the tv. She reached over to pick him up and he shook his head.

"No mommy, game no over!" He said to her and returned his attention to the screen. Meredith glared at Alex to fix it.

"Oh look, Seahawks score, we win!" Alex exclaimed as he turned the tv off quickly.

"Yay!" He said as he bounced up and down, clapping his hands.

"Alright mister, bedtime now," she grabbed him up and placed him on her hip. She took him upstairs into his room, changing him into his favorite dinosaur pajama's and taking him to her room. She laid him in the bed and kissed him goodnight before moving to Scarlett's room. She was already under the cover and waiting for Meredith.

"Goodnight my princess, I love you," Meredith said with a smile as she kissed the top of her head.

"I love you mommy," Scarlett stared up at her mother with her big brown eyes she had gained from her father. Meredith cut the night light in her room on before turning out the light and moving back downstairs. Alex had turned the football game back on and Mark was also watching it now. She grabbed her glass of wine and went over to Cristina who flipped through the latest medical magazine.

"This guy is a god at Neuro, he just discovered a new very effective way of destroying glioblastoma's," she showed Meredith the article.

"The Shepherd Method? Very full of himself I see," Meredith chuckled as she glanced over the article.

"If I was as good as him, I would have a giant ego too," Cristina laughed.

"Shepherd has a very huge ego but he's actually friendly," Mark spoke up from the couch.

"You know him?" Meredith questioned.

"Yes, he's my brother, and we owned a private practice together before some personal issues got in the way," Mark replied with a frown.

"Wow, I thought you were an only child," Meredith seemed puzzled.

"He is, but he grew up with Shepherd and his family so he counts them as his family," Lexie said as she joined in on the conversation.

"Wow, learn something new everyday," Meredith nodded as she took a sip of her drink.

"But I haven't heard from him in a few months, he's been busy with the trial he had going on and I guess it was a success," Mark said.

"That's nice, Webber told me to take as much time as I need but I think I want to go back next week," Meredith said. Everyone got silent and Lexie broke the silence.

"Mer, that's a little soon," Lexie frowned, she was concerned. She knew how her sister coped with losses and it wouldn't be good.

"I think it will do you good," Cristina shrugged.

"I want to, I can't sit around and be sad about Charlie's death. Yes it has been hard but he knew how important work was to me and he wouldn't want me just wondering mindlessly through the house missing him," she said defensively.

"I know but do you think the kids are ready to get on with their lives?" Lexie asked.

"CJ is barely three so he will be fine and Scarlett is six, she knows her dad loved her but she's strong enough," Meredith said. Her body was still numb, she didn't want to admit to everyone how heartbroken she really was. She put her children first which was the most important thing.

"She's stubborn, like her mother," Mark joked and Meredith chuckled and shook her head at him.

"Shut up Mark," Meredith smiled slightly.

"Hey, I knew I could get you to smile," he grinned at her. She shook her head slightly and went over and sat on his lap.

"Markie, you always find some stupid way to make me smile with you lame jokes," Meredith laughed as she pinched his cheek and he swatted at her hand.

"Alright, off me now," he said as he pushed her off him.

"I gotta get going, Jo is getting off soon and I took the car," he said as he hugged Meredith goodbye.

"Bye Alex, Stop by whenever," she said as she saw him out the door.

"If you need me, I'm one call away," he said as he hugged her one last time before leaving.

"I gotta go to Mer, I have a heart transplant surgery in the morning and I want to get a decent sleep," she said as she left also, but stopping and hugging Meredith first. She held on tighter and longer than she normally does.

"I'll see you later Cris," Meredith smiled at her as she left.

"Do you need us to stay the night Mer?" Lexie asked as she was finishing cleaning.

"No, I'll be good. I have the kids to keep me company," Meredith smiled weakly.

"You know if you ever need us, you can just text or call," Mark said as he got up and wrapped his arm over her shoulder.

"I know Mark," she smiled as she patted his arm. Mark and Lexie stayed around for another hour, just keeping her company before they left.

Meredith sat in the living room, the television still on but she didn't know what was playing. She was unsure of how her life will ever get better. Her whole body stiff the pain, all she can do is just breathe. It took her a while to gather the courage to walk into the master bedroom, she knew Charlie wouldn't be reading a book, waiting for her to come to bed.

She walked into the dark room, she saw the tiny figure curled up on his side of the bed and her heart sank. She got undressed and put on some pajama's before climbing next to her toddler. He must have felt her get into the bed because he immediately crawled over to her and snuggled against her chest. He whimpered a bit in his sleep as he settled. Her heart was broken, not only from losing her husband but the pain her kids were feeling. She just wanted all the pain to subside and there to be peace.


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith was trying her best to make it on time to work for her first day back but the kids weren't cooperating. She barely made it to Scarlett's school on time to drop her off and she had to rush into the hospital daycare, CJ was asleep in the car she she had to carry her thirty pound toddler into the daycare. She was out of breath by the time she made it to her office. She slummed against the desk and just sat there. Maybe it was too soon for her to be back at work but her mentality needed it. She heard a knock on her office door so she sat up and composed herself.

"Come in!" She said as she looked as if she was doing some paperwork.

"Welcome back Grey," Miranda Bailey said as she was walking into the office. Her new position of Chief of Staff looked good on her.

"Hi Bailey, was just finishing some stuff up before I check up on some patients," Meredith said as she was standing up.

"Well that's good. I'm glad to have you back but you know if you need me for anything, you can just tell me," Bailey said.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," Meredith said with a nod. She knew Bailey was hinting around that she shouldn't be back so soon but Meredith just brushed it off. Bailey left and Meredith slummed back into her chair. She covered her face with her hands and breathed deeply.

"I've got things to do," she spoke to herself, standing up and checking herself in the wall mirror. She left her office and went to the nurse's station.

"Welcome back Mer," someone said behind her.

"Hi April, thanks. How's little Evelyn?" Meredith replied as she grabbed her tablet which held all her charts.

"She's great, she's learning how to walk now, I'll bring her to see you one day," April smiled as she grabbed her tablet also.

"Yes, I'd love that," Meredith smiled slightly, leaving the nurses station and going to one of her old patients room.

"Good Morning Dr. Grey," the elderly lady smiled from the bed, she sat her knitting aside as Meredith entered.

"Hi Mrs. Miller, how are you feeling?" Meredith asked.

"I'm doing good, I think I am almost ready to go home," the lady smiled brightly.

"Maybe, let me check your incisions and make sure everything has heeled properly," Meredith smiled at her before checking the scar just below her rib cage. The woman had a liver transplant just before Meredith went on leave but developed some jaundice so she had to stay longer than intended.

"Ok Mrs. Miller, I am going to run some test to make sure your jaundice levels are good and if they are, you can be discharged," Meredith nodded as she wrote a few notes down in the chart.

"Oh that's wonderful, I will call Bill and let him know I might be coming home today," the lady replied as she grabbed her cell phone. Meredith left and walked down the halls, she was continuing to fill out the chart as she was walking, not paying any attention. Her body collided with another and her tablet fell to the floor.

"I'm so sorry," she said as she leaned down to pick it up.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm a little lost and I should have been paying attention," the other person replied. Meredith stood up and chills fell over her body when she saw the man in front of her. He had dark brown curls that were perfectly tousled and very ocean blue eyes. She would know that face anywhere, but what she didn't know was why he was in Seattle.

"You're Derek Shepherd, right?" She asked just to make sure.

"That's me," he smiled, his smile was so dreamy.

"What are you doing in Seattle?" She questioned.

"I just moved here, I am the new Head of Neruro, and you are?" He asked. Meredith's heart dropped to her stomach. There was no way, no way he would have been replaced this fast. It wasn't right, it couldn't be right.

"You're kidding, right?" She scoffed, a look of confusion written on her face.

"I only joke when I'm trying to impress women," he winked and she felt the corners of her lips drop. She shook her head, backing away a little before going around him.

"I'll see you around?" He said as she was walking away from him. She didn't reply, just hurried into her office. She closed the door behind her, sinking to the floor. She wasn't going to cry. She couldn't, it was bound to happen. They had to replace him someday, just not merely two weeks after he died. Her eyes began to water, she missed him so much. Anger took over her as she wiped the tears. She swung the door open to her office, she was on a mission. She first searched the OR board for the name she was looking for. She didn't find it so she went into the elevator and went to the top floor. She made her way through the crowd of people who were walking across the catwalk as she stormed into the office just on the other side.

"When was he hired?" She hissed as she got into the office and closed the door.

"What are you talking about Grey?" Bailey asked, her brow rose questionably.

"I mean Shepherd, when did you hire him?" She spat angrily.

"Just a few days ago. Look Meredith, I know it's hard because Charles was such an important part of this hospital but we needed someone to fill his position and Dr. Shepherd is amazing at what he does, and he's a nice person. I think you will get along. Now if you'd like the rest of the day off, I understand. We can try again tomorrow," Bailey replied calmly.

"It's not okay Miranda. He hasn't even been dead for long and he's already been replaced," she said, her voice quivering. She wasn't going to break.

"Meredith, please understand that I wasn't trying to hurt you. This is a hospital, a business. It needs good employees to run. You know how much we all loved Charlie but he's gone and life goes on," Miranda replied. Meredith looked away, blinking the tears away. She composed herself before turning back to Miranda.

"I don't want to see him, I'm not ready," Meredith replied in a low voice.

"Ok, I'll try my best on that. Now go have your lunch and maybe go to the daycare and love on your baby, then when you're ready you can start back," Bailey said and Meredith nodded. She left and went into the cafeteria. She grabbed her a sandwich from the line and went to sit with Lexie and Alex.

"Hey Mer," Lexie smiled.

"They replaced Charlie," Meredith said in a low voice.

"With who?" Alex asked.

"Derek Shepherd," Meredith cringed at the thought. The words just flew out of her mouth with a tinge of anger.

"Oh wow. I didn't even know he was considering moving, Mark didn't tell me," Lexie frowned.

"I wouldn't be as mad if I was warned but seeing as I had to run into him, literally, in the hall. I am a little upset," Meredith grumbled.

"Oh wow, Mer I am sorry," Lexie reached her hand over to Meredith's and covered it.

"I can't see him, It's like I'm constantly reminded that he's gone."

"Maybe you came back too soon Meredith," Alex shrugged.

"No. I need this, I need to be normal again. I'm tired of sitting around my house all day. I can't do it, I have to be working," Meredith said. Lexie and Alex opposed to it, they sat and talked about their current lives. Lexie was then paged to the ER and Meredith left. She went a picked up the test results for Mrs. Miller. She goes to tell her the good news and gives her the discharge papers. Meredith couldn't get that man off her mind, she couldn't wrap her head around the fact that he was now in the position her late husband was.

She took the long way to her office, making sure not to pass by the office that now belonged to Dr. Shepherd. She got into her office and finished her paperwork. She noticed what time it was and she quickly gathered her things and rushed down the the daycare. She got CJ out of daycare and took him to the car. She quickly got in and drove over to the school where they just started releasing the students.

"Mama, juice!" CJ said from his car seat.

"Sweetie, we will get you some juice when we get home," Meredith said, looking back at the face her son was making. His lip poked out and he looked exactly like his father, which caused her heart to ache.

"Now mama," he said.

"No CJ," she shook her head at him. Scarlett opened the back door just before CJ started to throw a tantrum.

"Hi Bubba," Scarlett smiled as she kissed her brother's cheek.

"Sissy!" He squeaked.

"How was school?" Meredith asked as she was pulling out of the school.

"Good, we have a new student in my class. Her name is Zoe and she moved from New York," she informed her mother.

"That's cool, you know mommy is from Boston?" Meredith asked her daughter.

"Where's that?" Scarlett asked.

"It's close to New York," Meredith said as she was now on the road that lead to their house.

"Then why don't you talk funny like she does?" Scarlett questioned.

"Because I was actually born in Seattle but me and your grandma moved to Boston when I was your age," she said.

"Oh," Scarlett nodded.

"Pizza for dinner?" Meredith asked and both kids happily said yes. She wasn't much of a cook, Charlie did all the cooking for the family. She really missed Charlie.


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith Grey was not a happy woman. Her day had been terrible. The first patient she had this morning died during a routine procedure. It wasn't her fault, they didn't know her heart was too weak for anesthesia. After that, she had to do rounds with the interns which was hell, due to the fact this years interns were a bunch of idiots. And now she was stuck in the pit, babysitting because a quarter of the residents has called out with the flu. So she sat there, just waiting for something more than just little sicknesses that came through.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate the interns?" Cristina groaned as she sat her tablet on the nurses station.

"We all do, but why now?" Meredith asked as she munched on a bag of potato chips she had one of the interns fetch for her.

"One of them called me for a consult because they thought they heard a murmur but of course it wasn't, the guy probably coughed or something," she replied.

"Yeah, I have interns who are running unnecessary test on patients. Like they ordered a full body CT on a patient with stomach pains," Meredith said.

"Like I said, they get dumber and dumber as the new ones come in," Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Have you met Dr. Shepherd yet?" Meredith asked curiously.

"Yes, just after he started. He and I worked on a case resecting a tumor from this guys spinal cord that was literally almost in his heart," Cristina nodded.

"Was he good?" Meredith asked.

"He is a god, they weren't kidding when people brag on him. Why were you asking?" Cristina now got curious.

"No reason, just wondering," she shrugged.

"Is this about the thing with CJ?" Cristina asked.

"No, he has a doctor and he's pretty good," Meredith said defensively.

"Oh come on, Nelson is decent but even from the work he publishes, Shepherd is much better for the surgery," Cristina replied.

"Look, Nelson has been with CJ since we found it, and he is perfectly capable of doing the surgery," Meredith frowned.

"I am not going to push you but he needs it and I want my godson to have the best treatment," Cristina argued, she had a point though Meredith would never admit it.

"I don't want that many people to know, and Nelson doesn't socialize so he wouldn't tell anyone about it and we still have some time before it becomes too much of a serious issue," Meredith said before grabbing the phone as it rang. An incoming trauma was coming so paged the on-call neurosurgeon and got herself prepared in the bay. She waited as the ambulance pulled in and the doors swung open.

"What do we have?" She asked as she immediately jumped into action.

"Katie Bryce. 16 year old female, collapsed during gymnastics and was complaining with abdominal pain. She got a head lac from the fall and started seizing as we pulled in," one of the paramedics replied as they hurried into a trauma room.

"Page Neuro again," she said as she started to feel around her abdomen. She took a portable ultrasound machine and began to roam her abdomen.

"I'm here, sorry I was with a patient," the male voice said as he entered the trauma room.

"You should have came immediately, you were paged 911. Someone update him," she grumbled. She didn't know it would be him that would be here. She continued to do the work up as he was updated.

"She needs a head scan, to see if anything is causing the seizure," he said as he checked her pupils.

"She also needs to get to surgery as soon as possible, her gallbladder is very inflamed and on the verge of rupturing," she snapped back at him.

"She could have a brain bleed or swelling, she needs the head scan first," he replied in a more professional tone.

"Fine, but if it ruptures, it's on you," she snarled as she walked out. She told one of the residents to page her when the results were in and she could take her to surgery. She made her way to the nurses station where Mark was on the tablet filling out a chart.

"Your friend or brother or whatever you call him better be right about what he's doing right now," she said as she approached Mark. He looked slightly confused at her, wondering what she was talking about. She filled him in as she ploped down in the chair.

"He's usually right about his instincts, you two actually have a lot in common," Mark said. Meredith opened and closed her mouth a few times, not able to form the sentence she wanted. Mark was going to be her brother-in-law one day, she couldn't take her anger out on him.

"Like what?" She grumbled. There wasn't anything she could possibly think of that she had in common with Derek.

"Just talk to him," he encouraged.

"I don't want to," she replied. Mark just pursed his lips, shaking his head. He walked off without another word and Meredith sat brooding. A little while passed before her pager went off and she made her way to where her patient was currently. Derek was there with the results of the scan.

"She had a small aneurysm that burst in her cerebrum and she needs surgery now," he said as he showed her the scans.

"She also needs that gallbladder removed," Meredith replied.

"I think we should do the surgery simultaneously, get both things at once so there won't be any more surgery," he suggested.

"Oh no way, I'm not being stuck in an OR with you for hours," she shook her head.

"It will be easier on the patient, Dr. Grey," he said, trying not to let his anger get the best of him.

She started to argue with him but decided not to, it's wasn't worth it. It was true, she knew he was right but would never admit it to him. She simply told him she would see him in the OR and walked away. She didn't know what it was about him, something she couldn't explain. She wanted to hate him. He took the place of her Charlie. But there was something about him that just made her not want to hate him.

She went and grabbed a small snack before she had to go down to the OR. She put her purple scrub cap on before she went into the scrub room. She started scrubbing her hands, looking as they were just starting the anesthesia on Katie. She saw the door open to the scrub room and Derek came in. His normally good hair was hidden inside a ferryboat scrub cap.

"I know you hate me for some reason but I would like a minute to explain myself," he said to her as he grabbed the scrub pad.

"You have until I finish scrubbing," she looked over at him then back at her hands. She didn't really want to listen, but she was going to.

"My name is Derek Christopher Shepherd. When I was ten my father died and I became the man of the house along with Mark. I was determined to become a doctor to save lives. My favorite color is blue, the dark blue not that light blue of intern scrubs. I enjoy fishing and being outdoors. I love ferry boats. When I lost my wife, Rose, I didn't know if I could make it through it alone. But I did and now I want to help you through this hard time because no matter how much you hate me, I can look past that and see the amazing woman and surgeon you are," he said as he himself started scrubbing.

"I didn't ask for anyone else, you know," she admitted as she was finishing up her scrubbing.

"I know," he nodded.

"I am not going to explain myself to you, but if you really wanted to I don't mind trying to be at least civil with you since you are Mark's brother," she said.

"I understand," he smiled, she just was mesmerized. The way he smiled, she could tell he was really a good person. It scared her, the way he looked at her and the feeling she felt when he was smiling.

"Ok," she said as she walked into the OR and Derek looked dumbfounded. He didn't know how to take that but she didn't seem angry so he thought it was good. He followed her into the OR.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, it's a beautiful day to save lives so let's get started," he said before getting into position.

Meredith rolled her eyes secretly as they were doing the surgery in silence. Derek tried to make small talk but Meredith replied in short sentences. She still wasn't comprehending the things that he said earlier. She didn't know why he told her those things, but they were slightly intriguing.

She was finished before he was so she had one of the residents close her abdomen as she went and scrubbed out. She went and updated the parents, letting them know she was done and things with Dr. Shepherd were going well. After that, she went to the daycare to pick up CJ.

"Mama," he smiled brightly as he walked over to her. She lifted him up and placed him on her hip.

"How was daycare, champ?" She asked as she grabbed his backpack. He told her all about her day while they went back toward her office. She sat him on the couch in her office and gave him some toys to keep him occupied while she finished up some stuff. She caught herself watching him, just making sure he was alright. With everything that has happened, she realized how precious life was and she decided that she could finish her work later.

"Ready to go home?" She asked him and he nodded.

"I tired mama, my head hurt," he said as she went to pick him up.

"It's ok baby, we'll get you some medicine when we get home," she said as she gathered her things along with his and made her way out of the hospital. She didn't even notice the man sitting on the bench until he spoke up.

"Cute kid, I didn't know you had a kid," he said and she stopped in her tracks to turn and look at him.

"I do, I have two actually. This is Charles Jameson Jr or CJ as most people call him. He's 3, and I have a daughter named Scarlett. She's 6," Meredith looked at him as he was staring at her.

"I have a daughter also," he just smiled at her.

"Does she not stay at the daycare?" She questioned.

"No, Mark offered to pick her up from school since he hasn't really spent time with her in a few years," he said.

"Oh. Well my daughter is with Alex Karev. He picks her up from school on Wednesdays and Friday's because she has dance practice and my sister usually takes her if I can't," Meredith nodded.

"Nice. My daughter has been wanting to start dancing again, she use to go to a dance studio in New York with her cousin but when we moved I didn't have time to enroll her yet," he said.

"I admit, I was wrong about you Derek. But it's going to be hard to let someone in," she admitted.

"That's alright. I'm a patient man," he smiled. She laughed and shook her head.

"Goodbye Derek," she smiled. She decided to maybe let it go, just a little bit at a time because it was obvious he wasn't going away anytime soon.

"Goodbye Meredith," he replied with a smile as she began to walk off.


	4. Chapter 4

Meredith walked into the attending's lounge, the bags under her eyes very prominent as she just finished an 8 hour surgery. Cristina and Alex were sitting and discussing something when she came in. They both stopped and looked at her, a devious look upon their face.

"What?" Meredith asked cautiously. She knew by their faces they were up to something.

"The kids are spending the night with their grandparents, right?" Cristina asked curiously. Meredith stopped for a moment, her lips pursed as she thought for a second before answering her.

"Maybe, why?" She replied.

"Just curious," Cristina shrugged.

"What are you two up to?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking it's been forever since the three of us just went out and had fun," Cristina replied.

"That's because I have kids and my husband died a few months ago. I haven't had time and I'm really not up for going out tonight so don't even think about it," she grumbled as she took a diet soda from the fridge.

"Come on Mer, it's been at least six months since we just had some fun. It would only be for a few hours," Alex begged.

"Fine, but only for a few hours," she mumbled, getting what she came for and started out the door.

"Be at Joe's in an hour!" Cristina called after her.

Meredith silently groaned, she didn't know why she had agreed to that but she knew Cristina wouldn't leave her alone if she didn't agree to it. She went into her office and grabbed her things before leaving. She went to her home and put her things on the kitchen table. She went up to her room and opened the doors to her closet, scanning all the clothes she had. She didn't want to dress up, she was exhausted. She also didn't want to look like she had just crawled from her bed. She tried on a few different outfits, deciding on her comfortable lavender sweater and skinny jeans.

She took one look at her bed, wishing she could crawl into it and sleep for the next twelve hours. She cursed herself as she left her home and drove to Joe's, being just in time to see Cristina walking from her car.

"Cris, wait!" Meredith called as she gathered her things and hurried over to her casually dressed friend.

"Wow, I thought you were going to dress up," Cristina nodded at Meredith's outfit.

"I'm not trying to impress anyone, I'm..." Meredith stopped herself from finishing the sentence. A small frown came on her face as she became silent.

"Mer, let's drink and forget,"Cristina said, grabbing her arm and dragging her inside where Alex was sitting at a table.

"Joe, give us a round of tequila!" Cristina yelled as she headed toward the bar.

"Mer, are you good?" Alex looked concerned of her face.

"Yeah," she nodded, not wanting to start that conversation. She didn't want to come but she always wanted to have a good time since she decided to come. Cristina came over with the three shots in her hand and put them on the table.

"Tequila, really?" Alex grimaced.

"Oh shut up you baby," Cristina smirked as she tipped back the tequila along with Meredith. Alex groaned before taking the shot also.

"I haven't seen you here in a while," Lexie smiled as she hugged her sister.

"I know, I missed Joe's. Sit down with us. Is Mark here?" Meredith asked looking around for him.

"Yeah, and so is Derek," Lexie said casually. Meredith silently groaned, every since she agreed to sort of be his friend, he would never leave her alone. Every time she saw him, he wanted to stop and chat. He would also occasionally bring her coffee in the mornings, along with cream and sugar which she never used.

"Great," Meredith put on a fake smile and a nod. She knew in the hospital she had to be kind and considerate to him but she didn't want to socialize with him outside of work. Lexie sat down and then Mark and Derek came over also, each with a beer.

"Hey Meredith," Derek smiled and Meredith smiled slightly back. She was holding backs cringe, she hated when other people besides her close friends called her Mer except when he said it, it rolled off his tongue.

"Hi Derek," she nodded at him. She starred into his blue eyes, her heart felt like it was pumping out of her chest. He looked so different in clothes rather than the navy blue scrubs. They all sat at the table, sharing their stories of how their day was spent. Meredith continued to have these unknown and unusual feelings about Derek. She continued to drink, hoping that they would go away.

The drinks continued and more shots were ordered by Meredith and taken by Meredith. As the tequila quickly entered her body, she began to sway to the music in her chair, not even paying attention to the conversation any longer. She didn't even notice when everyone left and it was only Meredith and Derek. She looked at him, confused on why he was still there.

"Where did everyone go?" She slurred slightly.

"They all left, do you not remember?" He asked, concerned.

"I remember that but why didn't they make me go?" She asked, a small bit of anger to her voice.

"I said I would make sure you get home because I am sober," he said to her.

"Why?" She popped off.

"Because I have an early morning tomorrow," he said, sipping the sparkling water he had.

"No. I mean why did you stay?" She asked again.

"Oh. I don't know, I just wanted to make sure you're safe," he said. She felt her body warm up as a rush of anger came through her.

"I didn't ask you to keep me safe. Now I'm going home," she slurred, standing up as she wobbled to keep balance. She grabbed her purse and searched for her keys. He held them up and shook them. She furrowed her brows, going to reach for them.

"Give me," she grunted.

"No. I'm not letting you kill someone because you're too stubborn to accept help," he said, sliding the keys into his pocket.

"Fine. I'll walk," she said, wobbling at first as she headed for the door. He paid the tab and quickly went out to find her. It was pouring rain and she was walking on the sidewalk.

"Meredith!" He chased after her. She continued to stop down the sidewalk, ignoring him.

"Mer," he said breathless as he caught up to her.

"Leave me alone," she said, accidentally stepping on something and stumbled sideways. He caught her before she fell. She torn his arms off her and continued her journey.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way," he continued after her.

"You can't make me," she hummed. He rolled his eyes, grabbing to her arm. She tried jerking away.

"Let me go!" She said, hitting him. She didn't need him, she didn't need anyone. She was all alone in this big world and she lost the one person who understood her.

He shook his head, taking a few deep breaths. He leaned down and grabbed her waist, throwing her slender body over his shoulder. A loud gasp exited her mouth as she realized he really picked her up. He started back toward his car.

"Let me down!" She yelped, hitting his back with her fist. He laughed as he continued to carry her.

"I can't believe you," he laughed as they made it to his car. He opened the passenger side door in his Cayenne and put her down. She started to protest but decided not to. She stepped into his car, looking at the mirror. The minimal make up she wore had smeared down her face. Her hair a wet mess and her favorite sweater was soaking wet along with the jeans she wore.

He got in, his hair wet and curly in the natural state. He slid his hands through the wet mane, wiping the wetness on his jeans. He looked at her, dripping wet. He bit his lip slightly, trying to not think about all the dirty things coming to his mind. He shook his head a little, a smirk smeared on his face.

"Care to tell me where you live?" He asked.

"Nope," she huffed.

"Fine," he shrugged, cutting on the ignition and turning the heat on to help dry them.

"Where are you taking me?" She asked, noticing he wasn't fighting with her.

"To my house, since you want to act like a child," he grumbled, now regretting to agree to this.

"Fine, it's 287 West Avenue St," she said. He put it in his GPS and they started on the journey.

"Why do you care so much about me and wanted to take care of me tonight?" She asked.

"Do you want the truth?" He asked. She paused before nodding.

"You're hair smells like some type of flower," he said, she looked at him with a very confused face.

"What?" She asked. He chuckled and shook his head at her.

"When I got here and I met you that first time, I had no idea who you were but something about you caught my interest. I wanted to get to know you from the start. Then I found out you were Lexie's sister and your situation and I understood you being angry at me for taking the position. I have been where you are, I know how you are feeling. You're not alone and I wanted you to know that, you can have someone to talk to about and can get where you are coming from," he said. She looked like she was about to cry but held them back very well. They sat in silence for a moment.

"What about tonight? Why did you stay and kept me from driving?" She asked, curiosity beginning to seep from her pores.

"Rose, she was killed by a drunk driver. We were coming home from work later than usual, we had Zoe in the car because she was only two so she stayed at the daycare in the hospital. It was dark and raining and one minute we were driving and the next I see headlights coming from my right as we went through a green light and my car flipped. She was killed on impact," he spoke, sadness filled his voice. She felt horrible, her drunken stupor could have ended a family much like the person who took his.

"I... I didn't know," she shook her head.

"It's fine. You aren't in you're right mind," he said in a low voice.

"I guess that's what that is from," she said, reaching over to his head. She placed her finger over the scar that laid on his forehead. She felt a jolt through her body as her skin touched his. She moved her hand away and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"No, actually a story for a different time," he smiled slightly. They sat there again, it was silent besides the music that played through the speakers.

"Lavender."

"What?" He looked at her.

"My conditioner smells like lavender," she said, looking out the window at the passing houses.

"Lavender," he repeated, focusing on the road. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, keeping his mind focused. He was hoping that she wouldn't be too drunk to forget this. He knew it was a step, a step toward a friendship. She now knew the story of how his wife died, hoping to allow her to trust him more.

The drive seemed like forever before he was pulling into her driveway. The house looked like an actual family home, one with a white picket fence and the whole nine yards. He looked over at Meredith who had fallen asleep.

"Meredith," he said, hoping to wake her up. He wasn't sure he would be able to carry her again. She didn't answer and he sighed. He grabbed the keys from her purse and went to open the door. He came back out, picking up her body. She woke up for only a slight second, enough for her to wrap her arms around his neck. He shook his head at her, carrying her into the house. He went upstairs in the dark house, almost tripping over multiple child's toys. He found the master bedroom, going in and laying her down. He took her shoes off, debating to take off her damp clothes or not. He decided against it, knowing it would be weird to see her naked. He covered her up, looking at. Small snores began to come out of her body and he just shook his head. He had no idea what it was about her but something made him want to know everything about this woman.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I'm so happy with the feedback I'm getting. It really inspires me to know that other people enjoy my work. I do want to let you know that I will start posting once a week in a more regular schedule once mine evens out. Being pregnant, finishing up my senior year of college in December when I am due to give birth and writing so my schedule is kind of hectic, but I'm so glad you guys are reading and enjoying this story, I love you all and I'm glad to see some familiar faces. Enjoy this chapter!**

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"Mommy, mommy! Get up, it's my birthday!" Scarlett screeched happily as she was bouncing on her mother's bed.

"Scar, it's still going to be your birthday in a few hours, let mommy sleep a little longer," Meredith mumbled.

"No mommy, I want to go eat breakfast," she begged as she continued to bounce on the bed.

"Ok Scarlett, I'm getting up," Meredith groaned as she sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes. Scarlett smiled and hugged her tightly.

"I love you mommy," Scarlett said, kissing her mother's cheek.

"Love you too Scar, go get dressed," she said and the little girl happily went into her room. Meredith looked over at the boy who was still fast asleep next to her, she shook her head at him before getting up. She brushed her hair and teeth before putting her clothes on. She went over and woke up CJ.

"Sleep mama," he groaned.

"No Bubba, come on. It's sissy's birthday and we are going to get pancakes," she moved the blankets off him and he groggily looked at her.

"No," he reached for the blanket again and she pulled back farther.

"Come on CJ, lets go get you some clothes on," she begged and he shook his head.

"Sleepy," he mumbled as he rubbed his eyes. She shook her head at him, grabbing him up. He groaned and kicked at his feet.

"No mama," he continued to kick.

"Charles Jameson! Stop it now or no pancakes," she scolded. He stopped kicking at her and poked his lips out.

"Pancake?" He looked up at her.

"Yes, now lets go get clothes," she said and he obliged. She went into his room with him, picking out some jeans and a t-shirt. She took CJ downstairs to find his shoes that he loved to leave scattered amongst the living room. Her eyes bulged when she realized how much of a mess her house was.

"I've got to clean this up," she huffed, sitting CJ down. She quickly gathered up the shoes and other mess from the floor and placed them into the coat closet no one ever used. She picked up a magazine from the coffee table to put into the basket of magazines when she froze. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized it was a medical magazine. It dated back three months. She saw one of the sidelines and tears welled in her eyes.

 _Medical field has major loss._

She almost cried when she saw the picture underneath. It was a picture of Charlie, his bright smile shined with his perfect white teeth. His blonde hair fixed just the way she loved it. His brown eyes shined with happiness. She remembered getting this in the mail and throwing it down before reading it.

"Mama, you cryin?" CJ asked when he noticed his mother.

"No baby," she shook her head, she placed the magazine down and looked at her son. He was a spitting image of his father. She grabbed a pair of rain boots and put them on his feet.

"I love you," he said, grabbing her neck and kissing her cheek.

"Mama loves you too CJ," she smiled, fixing his hair. Scarlett came down the stairs, her hair brushed and fixed how she always does.

"Ready?" She asked and both kids nodded. She picked up CJ and grabbed her purse and car keys. They left and went to the diner that was just down the street. She smiled, the memory of the first time Charlie brought her here flashed in her brain. She wished with all her might that he was here but that didn't change the fact he was gone.

They sat in their usual spot, their usual waitress came to wait on them, already having their drinks on a tray. The kids loved her and she loved the kids. She had known Charlie since he was a child, he had grown up in Seattle and his dad brought him here since he was CJ's age.

"The milk for Charlie Jr and orange juice for the ladies," Patti smiled, handing the drinks out.

"Thanks Mrs. Pat," Scarlett said to her.

"You're welcome. And today is someone's birthday I here," Patti raised her brow at Scarlett.

"It's mine! I'm seven Mrs. Pat!" She said with a smile.

"I know, I remember when your mom use to come in here when she was pregnant with you. She always craved our pancakes," Patti winked at Meredith.

"That's right, and she still can't get enough of them," Meredith chuckled.

"Do I even need to ask what you guys want to eat or just the usual?" Patti asked them.

"The usual," Meredith nodded at her. Patti was an amazing waitress, she remembered everything they always ordered. Charlie always said that if Meredith wouldn't have came around, he was going to marry Patti. She left to go place the order into the kitchen.

"Are you excited for your party?" Meredith asked.

"Yep, I can't wait for you to meet Zoe mommy!" Scarlett said happily. Every since Zoe had came into her class, that was all she talked about. They had became best friends and Meredith never met the girl.

"I can't either, I already know so much about her and I haven't even met her yet," Meredith nodded at her daughter. Their food came out, both kids receiving pancakes with a face made out of chocolate chips while Meredith got French toast with eggs and bacon. They enjoyed their meal, CJ moaning every time he took a bite. Meredith laughed at her son and his sound effects.

"These the best pancakes ever!" He said with his mouth full.

"I know Bubba but don't talk with your mouth full," she said to him.

"Sorry," he said, his mouth still full. She just shook her head. Patti brought the check over and Meredith handed her the card. She left a cash tip and they left. Meredith called Lexie and told her to pick up the cake and bring it over when she could and they went to the house.

"Scar, make sure your room and the playroom is cleaned up please," Meredith said and she nodded, going to clean up. She continued to clean the living room and kitchen quickly. Lexie knocked on the door and opened it after she knocked.

"Cake delivery," she said, bringing in the large box. They went to the kitchen and she put it on the counter.

"What set up needs to be done?" Lexie asked.

"Everything," Meredith huffed, resetting the pillows on the sofa.

"Is Cristina coming to help?" Lexie asked and Meredith looked at her funny.

"Really think she is going to do that?" Meredith laughed. They both shook their head and started to set up for the party. They were both done and people began arriving. The parents were dropping their children off and leaving while Mark and Alex both arrived. Alex brought Jo with him also which was rare. Jo thought it was weird hanging out with her bosses. Cristina also came in as they were with her husband Preston.

"Hey Wilson, thanks for coming," Meredith smiled at her.

"Wouldn't miss it," Jo smiled. There was a knock on the door and Meredith went to answer it. She had to double take when she saw the tall man standing at the door with a little girl next to him. She had brown curly hair like Derek's except it was much longer. She had his bright blue eyes and Meredith felt a shiver down her spine when she saw him with a child.

"Zoe!" Scarlett said, running to the little girl and hugging her.

"Scar!" Zoe giggled, hugging her friend. She had a New York accent which Meredith loved to hear. It reminded her of her childhood in Boston.

"Hey Meredith, i didn't know that Scarlett was your daughter," Derek said awkwardly. He knew the moment he saw the address on the invitation that it was her house. The past two weeks had been pretty awkward between the two with them avoiding anything except work talk. They don't even speak about the bar experience, or what it meant for their friendship.

"Yes, she is," Meredith nodded at him.

"I think I know more about your daughter than I do you," he joked, smiling his very signature smile. The chills came back across her skin as she looked at that smile.

"Me too. Most parents just dropped their kid off but if you'd like to stay you can. Mark and Lexie are here," she said, stepping aside. They both came in, the girls giggling and laughing as they whispered.

"Uncle Mark!" Zoe gasped as she hugged Mark.

"Mark is your uncle?" Scarlett asked. Zoe nodded.

"He is my daddy's brother," Zoe said for confirmation.

"He's my Aunt Lexie's boyfriend!" Scarlett giggled loudly. Both girls then ran off to the other girls there.

"Small world," Derek said awkwardly.

"Yes," Meredith nodded.

"Mama, my head hurts," CJ said, walking to his mother.

"Is it the loud noises buddy?" Meredith asked, picking her son up. He shook his head and covered his eyes.

"Here Mer, I'll go give him his medicine," Lexie offered, reaching for him. He went to Lexie and she took him into the kitchen. Derek was slightly curious, the doctor in him knew something was different about him.

"He gets bad headache," Meredith said casually, seeing the curiosity in Derek's eyes.

"Oh," he nodded in reply but the curiosity didn't leave him.

"So Shep, do you like the city?" Preston said, trying to change the conversation. They talked for a minute and Lexie returned without CJ.

"He's laying down until it kicks in," Lexie said.

"Thanks Lex," Meredith smiled. Everyone was talking and just casually joking around but Meredith wasn't paying attention. Her mind continued to drift to Charlie and her heart ached.

"I'm going to check on CJ," Meredith said before disappearing upstairs and finding the little boy sleeping soundly in her bed. She sat down beside him, running her hand across his hair. It was a lot, she was slightly overwhelmed. She knew if she needed help with anything, one of the people downstairs would jump straight to it but she couldn't ask. She needed to figure life out without Charlie.

"Mama," he said groggily. His medicine always made him sleepy until the headache went away.

"I'm here baby," she said, smiling at him.

"I miss daddy, is he coming home soon?" He said. Meredith felt tears trickle down her cheek as she looked at the fragile boy.

"No sweetie, just go to sleep," she kissed his head and got up. She hurried into the guest bathroom and dropped to the floor. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she curled into a ball. She heard the girls downstairs giggling and she continued to cry. She didn't know how she was going to do it. She felt so alone and all she wanted was Charlie. There was a knock and the door opened.

"I'm sorry," Derek said and he was about to leave before he noticed her crying.

"Are you ok?" He asked, coming in and closing the door. She looked at him, she burst into tears again and shook her head. He dropped beside her and pulled her to his chest. He rubbed circles on her back, mumbling things to her.

"It's going to be ok. You are such a strong woman and you are going to raise those kids. I know it's hard but things will get easier," he said softly, comforting her.

She felt a strange feeling as she cried on this mans chest. She didn't want to pull away, something about it was so comforting. Something in her said to run and never look back but she didn't. She just continued to sob until they didn't come anymore. His voice in her ear was soothing as the tears came to an end.

"I remember Zoe's first birthday without Rose. She was turning three and it was so hard. She asked if her mommy could visit from heaven for her birthday party and I couldn't stomach telling her that she couldn't. I didn't know how I was going to go on but I did because I had people to lean on just like you. You have Mark and Lexie and Alex and Cristina and even Me. I know we don't know a lot about each other but I do know what you're going through," he said to her, looking down into her eyes.

"You keep saying that," she rolled her eyes, wiping the tears, "but I understand you are trying to be helpful."

"It's fine," he shook his head.

"It's just hard. I don't want to ask for help. A year ago, they found out that CJ had a grade II cerebellar astrocytoma and we've been keeping an eye on it closely but the symptoms are getting worse. Nelson didn't want to do surgery until he was five because it is benign but there is still a chance it could turn malignant and that's what I'm scared of because that is what the symptoms are pointing to now. He just asked me if he daddy was coming home," she started crying again. He held her tight again until she stopped.

"I know I don't have a place in asking this but would you want me to take a look? I could do the surgery to remove it if it needs to be," he offered.

"I couldn't ask you to. I haven't ever told anyone except those people downstairs. They are the only ones who know," she admitted.

"I could keep it under the radar. No one would find out. You don't have to, I'm just offering," he said to her.

"I'll think about it," she breathed, trying to catch her breath after the crying stopped.

"Ok," he nodded. She sat in his arms as she continued to calm herself. Something about his arms made it comforting. She hated crying in front of people but she was thankful someone was there to talk with her. She finally got the strength to pull away.

"Thank you," she smiled at him, he nodded.

"Anytime," he stood, helping her come to her feet. She wobbled a bit before catching her footing. He exited the bathroom while she cleaned the tears more. She finally went back down, stopping at Lexie and Cristina.

"How is he?" Lexie asked.

"Sleeping," she replied. The birthday party continued with the birthday cake and gifts. People began leaving and soon only a few were left.

"Mommy, thank you so much for the best birthday party," Scarlett said to her, hugging her mother. Meredith felt her heart full with joy as she hugged her daughter.

"I love you Scar," she said, hugging her daughter tighter. She could only thank God and Charlie for the amazing life she had even if she didn't know what would happen next.


	6. Chapter 6

"Grey, I got that amazing case," Derek said as he approached her. She looked at him, questions in her eyes.

"So don't get mad but a little birdy told me that for most of your residency, you spent most of your time in the neuro rotation," he said to her. She furrowed her brows, knowing who told.

"Yes. But I realized General is where my heart is," she said to him.

"Well I have this bad boy," he held out the Ct scan. Her eyes bulged as she saw the size of the massive tumor on the spinal cord.

"There is no way this patient will survive," she gasp.

"I told him his chances are slim, but he refuses to listen to me. He continues to say he wants it and he has faith," he shrugged.

"This is crazy," she shook her head, the size was enormous and the position was very risky.

"I know. And I want to see your neurosurgeon skills because I heard you were pretty amazing," he started to say.

"I'll pass," she shrugged. She didn't want to tell him the real reason why she changed her specialty at the last minute. She couldn't go back, it would be too hard for her.

"Oh, I guess you're too scared," he shrugged, starting to walk away.

"I'm not scared!" She said defensively. He turned on his heels, raising his brow at her.

"Prove it," he said.

"Fine," she huffed, admitting defeat. A small part of her was excited, she hasn't done neuro in such a long time. It was her passion for a long time, it interested her in many ways. She was also scared to death, it would bring back memories and feeling for her love.

"Meet me in OR three in an hour. Here is the chart to catch you up," he said, smirking as he handed her the tablet. He left and she scanned through, reading all the details. She couldn't believe she agreed to this, it was way too risky and close to the spinal cord. One tiny little wrong move and he was paralyzed.

She found her way to the lounge where Cristina and Lexie were sitting there, eating their breakfast. She sighed as she sat down at the table with them.

"I am about to do a surgery with Derek and I don't know how to feel," Meredith groaned.

"What kind of surgery?" Lexie asked, intrigued by the reasoning.

"It's a tumor removal on the spinal cord but it is so risky, there is no way it will be a success," she said.

"Then why did you agree?" Cristina asked, confused by this.

"Are you sure you can handle neuro?" Lexie asked.

"I can. I don't know why I said yes, he just kept pushing and I couldn't resist," she shook her head.

"You agreed because you know he can do it and you want to be there to see it happen," Lexie smirked.

"No. There is not a way in hell that he could get the tumor without paralyzingly or killing the man," Meredith argued.

"You believe in shepherd," Lexie chuckled. Meredith furrowed her brows.

"I actually just want to see how good he is, for CJ," Meredith said quietly to them.

"You really want him to look into CJ's case?" Cristina asked.

"Maybe," Meredith shrugged. She was unsure of why she agreed to the surgery. She looked down at her watch, realizing the surgery would be starting soon.

"Gotta go," Meredith said as she rushed out of the room. She hurried down to the OR room where she stepped into the scrubbing room. Derek was already scrubbing at his hands as he looked at her. He had a smile to his face when he realized she was actually going to go through with it.

"Glad you could make it Grey," he said to her, his eyes returned to his hands as he scrubbed at his wrist and arms now.

"Got to see what you have in you," she smirked at him, she grabbed the scrub pad and turned the water on as she began to scrub. He went into the operating room and she watched him. He walked with confidence as he put his gown and mask on. She shook her head at him, chuckling to herself. She followed into the operating room, a since of excitement in her body as she knew what was coming.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, it's a beautiful day to save lives," Derek said his signature phrase as he got into position. Meredith joined him, they worked in sync the whole surgery, like they were made to operate together. Her movements matched his as they began to cut away at the tumor when it was visible. The surgery was long, it was much longer than most procedures she was use to. Her body ached slightly, she rolled her shoulders and turned her neck from side to side but she pushed through it, and the rush came. The same rush that made her fall in love with neurosurgery. She looked at Derek and saw the look of excitement and lust in his eyes. He loved it as much as she did.

They finally got to a finishing point, they had almost lost him a couple of times but in the end, it was successfully removed. It was much like a miracle. They went and scrubbed out, silence between them. They parted ways but somehow both ended up in the attending's lounge with one another.

"That rush was amazing, I thought we weren't going to be able to do it," she said, slumping down on the chair in the attending's lounge. She had finally gained back some of the energy from the long surgery.

"You were amazing," he smiled at her, praising. The way she handled that patient, he couldn't help but wonder. He sat down on the opposite couch from her.

"Thanks, But you did all the hard work," she laughed, shaking her head at him.

"If you don't mind me asking, what made you give it up?" He asked. She got quiet, the smile left her face and was replaced by a frown. Her eyes had a small amount of tears welling in the corner.

"You don't have to tell me," he said, making it known he didn't want to press her. He knew it most likely had something to do with her dead husband or with her son.

"No. It's just hard. Neuro was my heart, my passion. I loved everything about it, the rush and the meticulous working. The way it feels to just open up a skull and realize that the whole person is controlled by this ball of mush that no one truly knows a lot about. The end of my fifth year was when CJ was diagnosed with his tumor. I caught it early and I noticed, along with Charlie. I beat myself up from then on because legally I couldn't do anything to fix my son even though I knew I could in an instant. The guilt took over and I switched to general," she said, wiping the tear that fell from her eye. He frowned at her, knowing how hard it was for her to tell that. He wanted to grab her and comfort her but he wasn't sure how she would feel being in the hospital.

"Ok, no crying," she said to herself.

"Thank you, I know it was hard," he walked over to her, patting her back lightly.

"Thank you for listening. And letting me do that surgery," she smiled up at him weakly. He purses his lips and nodded.

"What are you doing after work?" He asked.

"Going home with the kids, like every day," she said.

"I was just wanting to know if you wanted to go to the park with me and Zoe. I know how much her and Scarlett enjoy playing together," he asked.

"That actually sounds really nice. I barely take them to the park because Scarlett doesn't enjoy playing with kids she doesn't know," she said, smiling.

"Ok, I'll meet you at the park just down the street at 4?" He asked and she nodded.

"See you at four," she said to him, standing up and going to her office. She did the paperwork she needed to before going to the daycare to pick up her son. They headed to the school to pick up Scarlett, telling her about the park date. She was very excited, especially knowing that Zoe would be there.

She got them into clothes they could get dirty and she fed them a small snack before she packed a small bag with the things the kids will need. She took them to the park where she let them out of their seats and she held CJ's hand as they walked into the park. She looked around and Scarlett was the first one to shout they found them. Meredith was taken aback every single time she saw Derek in normal clothing. He had his McDreamy smile on which made her feel a certain type of way.

"Nice to see you outside of work," he said to her after the girls ran off the play and CJ ran after them. Meredith kept a close eye on her son, but she knew his sister was always watching. She knew how protective Scarlett was of her brother, especially with his condition.

"Same to you. I really do appreciate what you did earlier," she smiled at him.

"Thinking of switching back?" He smirked. She chuckled and shook her head.

"Though I love Neuro very much, my place is in general and I love my job now, better success rate," she joked and he laughed along.

"Agreed. But I want to bring up something a little touchy," he said to her. She wanted to avoid the subject she knew he wanted to talk about.

"Ok."

"Well I know you said you didn't really want me to get into the situation with CJ and his tumor but I really think I can remove it easier than Nelson and I don't want to brag but it's my specialty. I see how you watch him so closely and are terrified right now with him playing," he said to her and she sighed.

"I know. It's just scary, no one at the hospital knows besides our friends. It's no one's business and I don't want anyone to find out," she said.

"Understandable. And if you don't want me to do it, then I can set you up with my sister who is almost as good as I am. She works at Seattle Pres as the head of Neuro, she is also amazing and it cuts out the worry of anyone at the hospital finding out," he offered. They sat in silence for a moment, her mind racing. She knew they had to have the surgery soon.

"You have a sister?" She asked. He chuckled, knowing she was trying to change the subject.

"Four to be exact, and we are all doctors," he laughed and her eyes bulged.

"Wow. Big family," Meredith said.

"Yes. I can call Amy right now if you want me to and we can set up a consult. She is way better than Nelson but not as good as me," he smirked and she chuckled, shaking her head at him.

"I guess," Meredith said. Her heart raced and she watched his fingers fumble in his pocket as he pulled his phone out. He dialed a number and it began ringing. They spoke for a moment before he hung up.

"She's got an opening in a few days," he said.

"I'll take it," she nodded. He sent a text message to his sister before putting his phone away. They watched the children play together, sitting in almost silence besides the small talk. It was enjoyable, the winding down after their long surgery with their children playing in the park made life easier on each of them.


	7. Chapter 7

"Sorry Im late guys, i had a late surgery," Lexie huffed as she took her coat off and hung it on her chair. They have all made it a tradition to go to Joe's every Tuesday night after work. Each of them did it religiously for the past seven weeks. Meredith and Cristina were almost tipsy by that time and the boys each had a beer.

"It's fine Lex," Meredith hiccuped before downing another shot. She swayed her body with the music as they were converting about their surgeries that day. Meredith focused mainly her eyes on Derek as she tried to listen to everyone else. It was different, the friendship that had blossomed between her and Derek. It wasn't like any friendship she had with anyone. They talked about everything now, their stories and their parenting. They were almost always together now, in and out of the hospital. It was known their group that their friendship was only platonic.

Derek caught Meredith's graze and chuckled at her, shaking his head. They each took turns on who was going to get drunk that night and the other would drive home. He would do anything for her to know she is safe. It was odd to him how protective he felt over this woman he had known not even six months.

"Dance with me," Meredith giggled, grabbing Derek's arm. He shook his head at her, chucking slightly.

"I don't dance," he laughed. He knew how drunk she was and how he had a couple of beers, he couldn't control his actions. He didn't want to ruin the friendship they gained.

"For me, please!" She begged, dancing a little as she was pulling at his arm.

"Fine," he fake groaned as he stood up. He took another sip of his beer before following her. She started swaying her hips at him and he swayed with her. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He felt the lump in his throat at the close contact between them. He looked down at her in the low light of the bar. Her emerald eyes still shined in the dim lighting and her honey hair fell on her shoulders. His chest tightened lightly, it was like it was just the two of them.

"What?" She giggled when she caught his blue orbs staring at her. Chills fell over her body when his mouth opened and closed, he was trying to think of the words to answer her without saying how he was feelings.

He let his actions speak for him as he leaned down to envelop her lips into a kiss. He felt her body just fit perfectly against his as their lips melted together. They stood swaying for a minute, their lips dancing along with their body. He felt all his emotions flood into their kiss and he felt his heart fill until she pulled away. Her eyes bulged as she realized what had happened.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, realizing the mistake. He blew it.

"It's fine, i think I had too much to drink," she stuttered, backing away from him slightly. She was shocked, unable to process what had just happened. She went back to the table and he followed. She looked at everyone and grabbed her purse.

"It's getting late and the babysitter needs to be relieved soon," Meredith said. She looked at Derek and he said he goodbye's too. He followed her to the car, the ride was silent and awkward. He couldn't stop thinking about how he messed up their friendship. He pulled into her driveway, putting the car in park. They sat their, no words were spoke. He glanced over and noticed her looking at him. He knew what the look meant. He was taken by surprise when she grabbed his cheeks and kissed him with force.

She maneuvered her body on top of his, her hands migrated to the back of his head, tugging at his curls as her tongue danced with his. She felt his hands roam across her hips and up her shirt. She pulled back a little, looking at him.

"We can't, not like this. I want you to be in the right state of mind and you are drunk. You don't want to do something you will regret," he whispered, caressing her cheek. A small tear fell from her eye as she looked at him.

"I won't regret this," she shook her head.

"You will, and I can't have you hate me for this," he said, hurt in his voice. He wanted this more than he had wanted anything but he knew it was wrong.

She climbed off of him, feeling broken and lost. His words were true but she didn't know how she felt about him really. He made her feel some type of way. It was magical, his ocean blue eyes could always melt away any kind of troubles she had but they didn't help what she felt right now. She got out of the car and so did he. They walked into her house, the girls were asleep on the sofa and the baby sitter was sitting on the chair, engrossed in the movie they were watching.

"Thanks for watching them," Meredith smiled at the young girl. She paid her for the kids and the girl left.

"If you want to leave her here, I'll take them to school tomorrow," she said, hiccuping.

"Are you sure?" He asked and she nodded.

"It's not any trouble, they look cute and tired," Meredith smiled at the best friends.

"Ok," he nodded and started walking over to the door. Meredith followed him over. He stepped over the threshold and turned to look at her. He shook his head, trying to hide his smile as he just left without another word


	8. Chapter 8

Derek stopped in his tracks when he saw Meredith, her hair fell around her face and his heart raced as he watched her fumble with something in her hand. He knew she had a consult with Amelia today, he really wanted to ask her. He started to approach her when she looked up and saw him. Her eyes rimmed with red and it looked like she had been crying. His heart sank, he didn't know what to do.

"Mer," he started before she held her hand out, shaking her head vigorously. She quickly ran into a nearby exam room. He followed her out of instinct, he knew he would probably regret it but he couldn't see her hurting like that.

"Go away," she said to him, fighting back tears.

"What happened?" He asked. He began to walk toward her. She backed up as he got closer. She couldn't breathe anymore. Her heart was beating out of her chest.

"Nothing. Leave me alone, please," she begged, she started crying again.

"Talk to me, please," he begged. She pushed him away once he got into arms reach.

"Do you want to know what is wrong with me? How about I lost my husband! And the father of my children. It's not even been six months and I can't get you out of my head. How am I not suppose to feel guilty! I loved Charlie so much and I can't breathe with you looking at me like that. The way you watch me in the halls or try and make me feel better or change my life so just stop!" she cried. Her heart was hurting, she couldn't be thinking of what she was thinking. She had too much going on with her son to be thinking about someone else but she couldn't keep those blue eyes out of her head.

"Stop what?" He scoffed, not understand where this was coming from. He hadn't spoke to her since they kissed. He didn't care he was in an exam room with her. He knew if anyone walked by they could hear this but he wanted to know why she was pulling away from their friendship even if they couldn't have a romantic relationship.

"What you are right now! Your face says you're angry but the look in your eyes drives me crazy. It's wrong, I shouldn't feel like this. I loved Charlie so much, but this is something I've never felt," she had tears streaming down her cheeks, "when you kissed me the other night, it just felt so right but it was so wrong. That's why I kissed you again, because I wanted to know if I felt the way you did."

"Did you?" He asked.

"Yes!" She yelled, tears continued to fall as she sobbed.

Derek just looked at her, his heart was breaking. She knew how he felt, hell she felt the same way. He grabbed her and pulled her into an embrace. She didn't move, she just continued to cry.

"I understand. Trust me. I don't know what it is about you, but you are so different. What Rose and me had was the storybook romance but what I feel for you is indescribable," he rubbed circles through her back as he held her. She pulled back slightly, looking into his ocean blue eyes.

"I'm scared Derek, I don't want to go through what happened with Charlie. And if I fall in love again, I can't," she shook her head at him. She tried to pull away farther and he took her cheek in his hand. He wiped the tears and pulled her lips to his. It was slow and passionate, their kiss. He finally released her lips from their lock and looked at her.

"Believe in me. I can't live without you, I think I'm in love with you," he admitted. She felt her heart skips beat hearing those words. She felt the same, she knew she was falling for another man. She wanted to let the guilt go but it was hard, feeling these things for another man.

"I think I'm falling for you Derek, and I'm terrified," she admitted, sniffling a little.

"We can take it in baby steps," he rubbed his thumb against her cheek, wiping away tears.

"I can't," she breathed.

"Please," he pleaded, he didn't want to lose her. He couldn't, "just give me a chance."

"I don't know," she shook her head. It was a lot for her, the way she was feeling. It was a mixture between scared to death and wanting to love him.

"No one has to know. This could just be me and you, no one else has to know. I want this, more than anything I've ever known."

"Derek," she sighed, looking into his eyes.

"Just go on one date with me. If you still don't want to we don't have to have anything else but friendship. I want to try," he said, his words very promising.

"Ok," she nodded, her tears had stopped but she felt her heart ache. She didn't know what to do but she also wanted to try.

"Ok," he replied, a sigh of relief. He kisses her forehead, hugging her once more.

"Can we go get lunch? I want to know about CJ's appointment," he said to her. She nodded, following him out of the exam room. They went to the cafeteria and grabbed their lunch, sitting alone in the corner.

"They did an MRI and checked the tumor, it had grown more than they expected," Meredith said to him. Derek frowned, knowing what that meant.

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"He's having the surgery next week to remove it but I'm scared," she admitted.

"I understand. I don't know how you are handling it so well."

"I'm not really, I'm terrified. I feel like this is just going to get worse. I don't want him to go through this," she breathed, trying to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

"It will be fine. He will do amazing and the surgery will help him," Derek assured her.

"I want to be not scared about this but I know the possible complications and I just can't stop thinking about the bad things," she sighed, looking down at the food in front of her.

"It's understandable, doctors make the worst patient parents but you have to just believe. Believe in the medicine and how it has advanced so far, he will be fine," Derek assured her, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand. She didn't move her hand, just looking up at him. His eyes were so reassuring to her, it was like what he was saying was right and she didn't have to worry. The butterflies in her stomach began to flutter as he smiled at her.

"Thank you," she said softly. Her pager began to ring and she looked at it, an apologetic look across her face at him.

"It's fine, I understand," he chuckled a little, moving his hand.

"I'll see you later," she said with a small smile before standing and going to her emergency.


	9. Chapter 9

**I have arisen to try and finish this story! i apologize for the lack of updates but having a newborn just turns your life upside down. my son is almost 4 months old and maybe we might be on a schedule. Fingers crossed. but as of now, i am working on the next few chapters, hoping to get them done and up. thank you to those of you that stuck around. I am currently playing old greys episodes in the background as i do things to spark inspiration. sorry for the long intro, hope you enjoy. xo michelle**

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Meredith stirred in her bed, just waiting for her alarm to go off. She wasn't able to sleep, today was the day for CJ's surgery. She had to wake up and take Scarlett to school before heading to Seattle Pres where the surgery would take place. Her head couldn't clear up, she couldn't think straight. All the possibilities of complications rattled her brain. She finally got some relief which lasted only a second when her alarm clock rang. She quickly got up and went into her daughter's room. She cut the light on.

"Get up Scar, time for school," Meredith said in a loving voice. Scarlett stirred in her sleep, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Meredith smiled at her and went back to her room. She didn't want to wake CJ yet, she was just going to carry him to the car in his pajama's.

She looked in her closet, grabbing the most comfortable clothes she had. She slid on her jeans and long sleeve Dartmouth shirt, pulling her converse on her feet. She went to the bathroom, brushing her hair and teeth. She then went down the stairs and to her kitchen where Scarlett had made a bowl of cereal for herself. Meredith was glad Scarlett was old enough she could fix her own cereal and do somethings on her own.

"Good morning mama," Scarlett said with cereal in her mouth.

"Morning sweetie," she smiled and poured her coffee into her travel mug. She packed herself a few snacks in her purse for while she was waiting.

"Are all your clothes packed for Aunt Lexie's?" Meredith asked and the little girl nodded.

"Ok," Meredith smiled, she would go back through her clothes and make sure she didn't forget anything still.

"Get your shoes on honey," Meredith said to her daughter before going to CJ's room, he was still sleeping soundly. She cut his lamp on and put his socks and shoes on his feet. He didn't even budge when Meredith picked him up. He was a very heavy sleeper which was good for today. She grabbed his overnight bag and went into Scarlett's room, she made sure everything was in there and grabbed hers also. She would be staying with Lexie and Mark while CJ was in the hospital. She went down and Scarlett had her backpack ready and she was sitting, waiting on her mother.

"Ready?" Meredith asked and she nodded. They left the house and drove Scarlett to school, letting her out at the front door. She kissed her daughter and watched her walk into the school before driving to the hospital. She knew the routine as she went and checked her son in, he was still passed out in her arms. She filled out the paperwork, she had gotten too familiar with that which she hoped this would be the last time for this reason.

"Charles Fuleki," the nurse said from the door. Meredith grabbed her purse and she took her son back with the nurse. He opened his eyes a little bit, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the light.

"Good morning buddy," Meredith smiled at her son.

"I was sleepin mama," he mumbled to her.

"You were but do you remember what today is?" She asked him as she sat him on the hospital bed. He nodded, pointing to his head.

"Are you scared?" Meredith asked.

"No mama, me big boy," he said confidently. Meredith chuckled and shook her head. The nurse took his vitals and left. It wasn't long until Amelia came into the room.

"Good Morning, I'm Dr Shepherd and I will be doing your procedure little man," Amelia smiled at CJ, she had the same smile and eyes as Derek. You could tell they were siblings.

"Mornin' Dr Shepherd," he said back to her.

"I know you're a surgeon yourself but do you have any questions?" Amelia asked Meredith.

"No, I know the procedure like the back of my hand," Meredith said, pursing her lips. Her heart was still beating faster than it should.

"Do you have any questions CJ?" Amelia asked the little boy.

"When you done, can I have ice cream?" He asked her and Amelia chuckled, nodding at his question.

"Of course, that's the best part. I'll see you in a few minutes little man," Amelia said to him and said her goodbye to Meredith. Meredith changed CJ into a gown which he did not like at all. He didn't like the way it didn't close all the way but he stopped fighting it after a minute. The anesthesiologist came in and he asked a few questions and in the blink of an eye, CJ was being wheeled off to surgery and Meredith was being escorted into the waiting room. She pulled out the book she wanted to start reading but her brain wasn't letting her read. She could only think about what was happening back in the OR. She was terrified, she tried to keep herself distracted for the first hour but she couldn't.

"Good morning," a voice came from behind her and she turned to see who it was.

"Derek. What are you doing here?" She said to him.

"I couldn't let you go through this alone," he said, sitting beside her. Her heart skipped a beat, she couldn't believe what he was saying. Her eyes watered a little when he said that.

"You don't have to," she shook her head.

"I want to," he assured her with his McDreamy smile. She smiled back at him as he sat down next to her.

"What about your surgeries?" She asked.

"I asked Bailey for the day off," he replied. She shook her head, trying not to smile at him. They talked for a while, about their lives and she told him more about the kids. He told her about Zoe and time seemed to pass quickly with him there. They were the only two in there, which was very unusual. She yawned and chuckled a little.

"Didn't Get much sleep?" He raised his brow at her. She shook her head.

"Couldn't sleep at all last night," she said.

"Understandable, you can nap if you want and I'll wake you up when someone comes out," he said to her.

"No, I'll be fine," she shook her head.

"Meredith," he said to her. He put his arm around her neck, she immediately dropped her head to his chest. He made her feel safe, it was something she hadn't experienced in a long time. She drifted off to sleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

He just sat there, his arm around her and something made him just feel right, being there with her. He felt her breathing evenly, calmly. Just listening to the sound of the light snores coming from her, it was something he could get use to. He didn't want to push her, he knew that but he wanted this. He felt himself slowly doze off but was awaken when the door opened and he heard his sister's voice.

"Amy," he said, causing Meredith to stir and open her eyes.

"Is he ok?" Meredith muttered as she sat up, blinking her eyes until she was fully awake.

"He's going to be fine. I got all of the tumor successfully without too much damage to the rest of the cerebrum. Now when he wakes up, I'll assess his motor function just to be sure," Amelia said.

"Thank you so much. Can I go see him?" Meredith asked as she stood up.

"Of course," Amelia said and had a nurse guide her to his room.

"Derek," Amelia started before Derek interrupted her.

"We are just friends Amy, please don't make nothing of this and don't tell mom," he said.

"Derek please don't get into anything stupid," Amelia pleaded.

"I know what I'm doing Amelia and we are only friends," he said again.

"You keep saying that but friends don't hold each other like that," Amelia hummed before turning on her heels and walking off. Derek asked the nurse which room CJ was in and he went back. He had seen many kids after brain surgery but this one hit him harder than any other one. The bed made him look smaller than he already was, with wires hooked all over him and attached to the bandages wrapped around his head. Meredith looked sad, her hand was squeezing her sleeping son's hand.

"Hey," he said quietly. She didn't say anything, just looking back at Derek with sad eyes.

"I can go if you want me to," he said to her.

"It's fine, I want you to stay," she said, her eyes filled with tears. He frowned, slowly moving toward her and wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest as she began to sob. He comforted her, running one hand up and down her back and the other through her hair.

"He's going to be ok, they got the tumor and now he will get better," he whispered to her. They stood like that for a while. She finally pulled away when her tears stopped. He looked at her and caressed her red cheeks. She leaned up and planted an innocent kiss on his lips, it was quick and she pulled away with a smile.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?" He asked with a furrowed brow.

"Being here, you really didn't have to," she said while pulling away from him.

"I wanted to," he replied with a smile.

"Mama," a small, fragile voice came from the little boy in the bed. Both Meredith and Derek looked at him, Meredith went over to him and grabbed his hand.

"Good afternoon sweetie," she said in a very soft and gentle voice. She rubbed her thumb across his cheek.

"Thirsty," he groaned, his throat irritated from the tube he had in his throat during surgery.

"Here buddy," she grabbed the box of apple juice the nurse had left and held it close to his mouth. He took a big drink of it, almost drinking it all.

"Look who came to see you," Meredith said cheerfully to the boy.

"Derek," he tried to smile as he said his name. CJ really liked Derek because he would play with him and do anything he wanted to when he was around.

"Hey there little man, you did so good," Derek praised him.

"Mama my head hurt," he frowned.

"They got the bad place out of your head honey, it's probably just sore," she said and she pages a nurse to come give him some medicine. The door opened but it wasn't a nurse.

"Aunt Lexie!" His eyes lit up from the bed.

"Hey buddy," Lexie said, she had a teddy bear with get well balloons attached to it.

"Hey Derek," Lexie smirked as she looked at her sister and him. She knew something was going on between them but Meredith didn't ever go into detail.

"Hey Lexie. I think I'm going to go so I can get Zoe from school," Derek said. He said goodbye to Meredith and CJ before leaving.

"Don't," Meredith shook her head at her sister. Lexie didn't say anything, she just continued to talk to her nephew about how he was feeling. Meredith breathed a little easier with Lexie avoiding the subject of Derek being there but she knew she would have to explain sometime.


	10. Chapter 10

"Good morning sunshine," Meredith smiled brightly as the little boy's eyes slowly fluttered. This was his third day in the hospital, hopefully he could be released today. He was up and moving around not long after surgery but the doctors wanted to keep him for observation.

"Mama can I go home now?" He said sadly. He hated the hospital, mainly because there wasn't much for him to do beside watch the television which he wasn't very interested in.

"Hopefully we will go home today buddy but we have to see what Dr. Shepherd says," she replied, sitting down in the chair beside him. The knock on the door and a woman in scrubs came rolling in his breakfast, which consisted of toast, oatmeal, some fruit, and an orange juice. He frowned a little, he began to pick at the plate, eating only a little bit of everything.

"Mama how you eat this all the time? It's yucky," he snarled his nose at the food he had barely eaten.

"It grows on you honey, and it's not all bad," she encouraged him to eat more than he had, knowing he needed all the nutrition he could get.

"Knock knock," a male voice said from the other side of the door.

"Come in," Meredith replied, her heart fluttered. She knew the voice, she couldn't help but get excited.

"I brought muffins," Derek said as he entered, a smile across his face.

"Yay!" CJ said with excitement, he pushed the hospital cart away from him the best he could. He wiggled into a better position with a face of excitement.

"Blueberry because it's your favorite," Derek handed the little boy a muffin, but when he went to hand Meredith hers, she had a slight frown.

"What?" He said in a whisper tone.

"I was trying to get him to eat what the hospital brought him," she huffed, taking the muffin and the coffee from him.

"Sorry," he said apologetic, "but you know how bad that food taste."

"I know but it's good for him," she bit into the muffin.

"Thank you so much Derek," CJ said with him mouth full of the crumbled muffin.

"CJ don't talk with your mouth full please," Meredith reminded him of his manners.

"Sorry," he said, food still in his mouth. Derek chuckled a little, shaking his head at the young boy.

"You're welcome little man," Derek helped out his fist and CJ eagerly fist bumped him. Meredith couldn't help but smile and shake her head at the two. CJ had really became fond of Derek the past few weeks, his favorite thing about being in the hospital was seeing Derek every day.

"Has Amy came in today?" Derek asked Meredith.

"Not yet. She said he could possibly go home but I know what that requires," Meredith sighed.

"It's ok, he's doing better than most kids this long after surgery. It's a good sign," he said and without hesitation, he ran his hand across her back. She knew he didn't mean anything by it but to Derek it meant a lot. It was like an instinct to comfort her, something he had only felt over his family and Rose.

"Thank you," she whispered to him. He winked at her and smiled. She knew her son was recovering very well but to hear it from someone else helped her nerves.

"You're welcome," he said, staring into her eyes. A smile came across his face and her cheeks began to turn a rose color as she looked away. The moment was interrupted by a knock and Amelia came into the room.

"Knock knock," she said happily as she walked in.

"Dr. Shepherd, can I go home?" He smiled, his eyes twinkled as he looked up at her.

"Maybe if you pass the test," she said winking at him. His eyes lit up as he quickly tried to sit up in bed the best he could. Meredith guided his back as he lifted the rest of the way. His strength was still struggling but it would come back in time.

"I can do it!" He said eager to go home. Amelia started her testing, some standard motor function testing and some reflex testing to ensure his reflexes were back.

"I'll be back," Derek looked at his phone and whispered to Meredith before stepping out.

"Well looks like someone is ready to go home," Amelia said with a smile.

"Oh really! Thank you so much Dr. Shepherd!" He smiled and hugged her the best he could.

"You're welcome but you have to come back and see me in three days, ok?" She said to him and he nodded.

"Ok!" His eyes lit up as he was just eager as a child in a candy store.

"Ms. Grey, I would like to go over some at home care in the hall," Amelia said as she walked out the door. Meredith kissed CJ's head before following her.

"It's early to let him go home Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said as she got out into the hall.

"For a normal boy, yes. He would definitely stay if he wasn't doing as well as he is and if his mother wasn't a surgeon herself. I have all faith in you keeping him safe and watching out for any warning signs. I don't think anything will go wrong, I've honestly never seen recovery this fast but he's doing amazing. You have one special son Ms. Grey," Amelia smiled at her.

"Are you sure?" She said, looking back at the little boy who was glued to the iPad in his lap.

"Yes, his motor functions are coming back faster than I've seen and the MRI's have all been clear," Amelia replied.

"Thank you so much for what you've done," Meredith smiled at her.

"It was my pleasure, especially to get to know your amazing son," Amelia replied. She said goodbye to her and went off to her next patient.

"So you ready for me to start packing?" Meredith asked and his smiled and nodded.

"Yes mama, I wanna go home and be with you and sissy again," he said. Meredith just smiled and gathered his things. A nurse came into the room and unhooked him from the IV and change his bandages before he was to leave. Meredith got him dressed into normal clothes.

"He's going home?" Derek asked as he entered the room again.

"Yes, Amelia said he's doing fantastic so he is going home. Check up in two days then we see how it pans out from there," Meredith smiled joyfully. It was unbelievable, but she understood. He was doing better than anyone she had ever seen.

"That's amazing news!" He said, grinning ear to ear. He didn't know if he should hug her or not but decided against it.

"Mama can we get sissy and zo and go get some ice cream?" CJ asked, his large eyes starring at the both of them.

"Honey-" Meredith started but was interrupted by Derek.

"How about I go get your sister and Zoe from school and get some ice cream and we meet you and your mom at your house for ice cream and movie?" Derek said and his eyes lit up.

"Can you get me birthday cake ice cream?" He asked in excitement.

"I will," he chuckled.

"Derek you don't have to," Meredith said in a whisper. She was glad he wanted to spend time with them and offered but she didn't want CJ to become attached.

"I want to," he placed his hand on her arm and squeezed slightly with a smile. She smiled in return.

"CJ, I am going to walk Derek out and I will be right back in to get you all ready," she said and he nodded.

"Hurry mama," he smiled, the first time she had seen him smile that big in a while. She followed Derek out the door and they stood there.

"Thank you, for this. He adores you," Meredith looked into his genuine eyes. She could see the brightness in them, it made her whole body tingle inside.

"He is a great little boy. I will meet you guys at your house after the girls get out of school," his calm and relaxed look was different.

"Ok, see you there," she smiled. He replied with a smile and a small peck on her lips. It left a tingling sensation. It was quick and natural, like they had done it for years. She looked after him as he walked down the hall. This man was different, someone she never knew she needed in her life. Someone who she could trust, he broke every wall she has tried to put up. He made her feel warm and fuzzy, a different kind. One that was full of love and kindness. One that she could feel for the rest of her life.


	11. Chapter 11

**hi guys! i have really enjoyed writing for this story again. i hope you guys are liking the way i am going. this is just a small filler chapter really. i am loving the merder fluff so for now, enjoy ;)**

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Meredith grabbed the last of her paperwork for the day, filing it in proper places. She took a last look at her phone, making sure there wasn't a call from her mother-in-law. She was grateful for Marie, she was so much help since Charlie had died. She was a retired nurse so she had nothing to fill her day and happily offered to watch CJ while he was still recovering and Meredith had to go back to work.

Meredith took her purse from her desk and started out the door, eager to get home. It was her first day back and CJ had only been out of the hospital for a week. Even though he was doing amazing, she didn't want to leave him. As she stepped into her car, she noticed her phone buzzing in her pocket. She looked at the caller and the butterflies in her stomach were fluttering.

"Hello?" She answered the phone.

"Hey Mer," he said, the nickname just coming naturally out of his mouth.

"What's up?" She asked, cranking her car and turning on the heated seat.

"Just wondering what you were doing tonight. Zoe wanted to come over and check on CJ and I thought I would ask," he said casually.

"Oh well I was going to go home and make dinner, you can come over if you want," she replied, the past week there wasn't a day he didn't come over just to stop by.

"Ok, see you in a bit," he replied and hung up the phone.

Meredith smiled as she drove the curvy roads to her home. She was a little shocked when Derek was already inside along with her mother-in-law. She parked in the garage and went around to the front door. She opened the door and she could smell some sort of food being cooked.

"Welcome home Meredith," Marie peeped from the living room, she was gathering her things to go home.

"Hey Marie, how was he?" She asked.

"Good. No problems, he is doing so well for just having brain surgery almost two weeks ago," Marie said, surprised herself with how well he was doing.

"I know. Thank you so much for watching him, I am off tomorrow but I'll see you Friday," Meredith smiled as Marie left. She then followed the smell into the kitchen where Derek was hunched over the stove, his arms moving as if he was mixing something.

"What are you doing?" She chuckled, looking at him.

"Cooking. You worked today, I didn't think you should have to come and cook," he replied with his McDreamy smile.

"You didn't have to," she shook her head, walking to him to see what he was cooking.

"I wanted to," he said, he looked at the doorway then back into her eyes.

Her breathe hitched into her chest as he leaned down and kissed her lips. It was quick, like the one at the hospital. Her eyes stayed closed as she just stood, unable to process it. She could feel herself craving his touch, his lips to be on hers. It was something she had never felt before. He continued to cook, pretending as if nothing happened. She started to say something but was interrupted when the girls came barreling into the kitchen.

"Is it done daddy?" Zoe looked up innocently at him. She looked so much like him it was uncanny.

"Almost, you and Scarlett need to go wash your hands," he said to them. They both went over to the sink and took turns washing their hands. Meredith went to find CJ and brought him into the kitchen, the girls were already at the table and both were just giggling away. Meredith fixed her kids and her herself plates while Derek fixed one for Zoe and himself. They all sat around the table, everyone got quiet while they were eating.

"Mama," Scarlett spoke softly, looking at her mother.

"Yes honey?" Meredith looked at her.

"I love you but Derek is a better cook than you," she smiled innocently at her mother. Derek chuckled and Meredith just smiled and shook her head.

"Thank you Scarlett," he said.

"Daddy is the bestest cook in the world, he learned from my nana," Zoe replied. They finished up heir dinner and the kids ran off to play. Meredith grabbed the plates and put them in the sink. She started washing them off and placing them in the dish washer.

"Let me help," he smiled as he reached into the sink.

"You cook, I will clean," she smirked and swiped his hand away.

"I made the mess," he replied.

"In my kitchen so I am obligated to help," she said and smiled up at him. She stopped and took a breath as his eyes looked deep into hers.

"Fine," he smirked and backed away.

"There's beer in the fridge in the laundry room," she pointed and he went to grab one.

"Are we going to pretend like that never happened?" She asked, referring to what he had done earlier.

"What? Me kissing you or you liking it," he smirked.

"It can't happen again," she said.

"Why not? Did you not enjoy it?" He raised his brow.

"My pace, remember?"

"You're right. I apologize," he said to her. They just stared at one another. In one quick move, he was pinned against the island and she was kissing him. His arms roamed across her body, under the hem of her shirt and all around her bare waist and stomach. She felt perfect under his touch.

She held his face as she was attacking his lips with hers. She felt his tongue slip across her lip and she gladly allowed him in. Her hands went from his cheeks through his perfect hair and around his neck. She slowly pulled away, looking deeply into his eyes. His usual bright blue eyes had turned a dark blue, lust filled his iris. They breathed heavily, still intertwined in each other.

"Slow?" He mumbled, chuckling lightly. She blushed and pulled away from him embrace.

"I sometimes have a hard time with impulses," she blushed, fixing her shirt from where his hands once laid moments ago.

"Mhm," he smiled, looking into her eyes. She shook her head slowly and laughed.

"It's almost bed time," she said, sighing as she knew he was leaving.

"It is," he nodded. She followed him to the living room and he got Zoe ready with her things. She instructed her kids to go upstairs and get ready for bed, they said their goodbyes to each other before CJ and Scarlett went upstairs.

"Goodbye Derek," Meredith smiled, staring into his eyes. She didn't want to say goodbye, his presence made her safe. She felt like she was home for the first time in a long time.

"Goodbye Meredith," he replied, giving her a longing look before he turned and went out the front door. Meredith slowly walked to the door, looking out the window as he got into his car. They locked eyes once more, both of them had a smile across their face as he slowly back out of the driveway.


	12. Chapter 12

Meredith breathed outward, looking at herself in the mirror. Her hair she just worked so hard curling fell in beautiful waves down just past her shoulders. She wore a casual green dress that was form-fitting to show her curves that she gained from her children and It stopped just above her knee. Her shoes were a small heel, nothing to much because she barely could walk in anything besides converse.

"This is too much," she shook her head at herself. This was her first date in almost ten years. She never went on dates before she got married, always just sleeping around with anyone who looked decent when her blood was full of tequila. Tequila. That sounded like a good idea to her. She went down her stairs, just as she was on the last one a knock came to her front door. She sighed, looking at herself in the mirror just next to the stairs.

"Come in!" She yelled and she was fixing her hair, flipping from in front of her shoulders and around her face to all of it behind her shoulders.

"Wow," he remarked as he just turned the corner, choked up by how beautiful she was.

Her body did a quick turn and she was staring at him. She was more than speechless. His perfect hair was tousled gently, his deep blue eyes matched the red shirt that buttoned down and accompanied by khaki slacks that hugged his legs almost perfectly.

"Wow yourself," she giggled lightly. He smiled at her, shaking his head and walking to her. She was left breathless by the kiss he placed on her lips.

"Kids are out with Lexie then she's bringing them home at ten so we have plenty of time," she said with a smile.

"Shall we?" He raised his brow, walking backwards toward the front door.

"We shall," she giggled, quickly following him. She felt like a teenager again, butterflies filled her stomach as she grabbed his hand and he lead her to his car. He opened the door, allowing her to get in.

"Italian sound good?" He asked, getting into the driver seat.

"Amazing," she gazed at him, it felt like she was on cloud nine when she was with him. They had small talk on the way to the restaurant, his hand resting on her thigh. They arrived and parked a few blocks down the street from the restaurant.

"I love coming to the square when it's autumn," she admired as he took her hand and they walked at a slow pace toward the place.

"The trees turning are just so beautiful and the weather is not too hot or cold," She rambled as she looked around at the scenery, it was beautiful. The sun was slowly setting which made the red and orange tree leaves have a slight glow.

"Manhattan looked similar, Central Park was beautiful this time of year," he said as he also enjoyed the weather. It was the perfect time to be outdoors.

"I bet, in all the years I grew up in Boston and traveling the world, I never once visited New York," she said.

"Well I will have to take you sometime," he smiled, she giggled and nodded in agreement.

"Are you asking me to meet your family?" She said, taken aback.

"Eventually, but a nice getaway visiting a new city is always nice," he said. He opened the door to the restaurant and they were greeted by the smell of fresh oregano and other spices filling the air. He heard how she breathed a little deeper to inhale all the scents.

"Name please?" The hostess asked as they walked to the stand.

"Shepherd," he said. She looked for a moment before grabbing two menus and leading them to a table that was off to the side, but still was able to see every inch of the place.

"This place is so beautiful," she marveled as she slid into her seat, taking in her surroundings.

"It is. This is a first for the both of us then," he smiled at her, she returned the smile before lifting her menu and searching through the wine list. The waitress came and introduced herself before taking their orders. She came back right after with a bottle of Pinot noir and poured each a glass.

"So tell me about your childhood," Meredith intrigued, sipping on her wine.

"Not very interesting. Grew up in a town about two hours away from Manhattan, met my childhood best friend which turned into my brother Mark, helped my mom raise my little sister while my older sisters really raised us before they all went to college. Honor roll student through high school and college, I was also a band geek," he chuckled, sipping at his glass and twirling the red liquid around.

"I'm dating a nerd?" She giggled, shaking her head at him.

"Proud saxophone player, also played a little guitar in high school," he winked. She just kept shaking her head while giggling. He couldn't help but smile at her beautiful giggle. It was refreshing, after being in a busy hospital day in and day out. He use to enjoy the quiet of coming home but now he is willing to turn his world upside down for that giggle and her perfect smile.

"How crazy, this is crazy. I was the girl that dyed her hair pink as a stab at her own mother. I was never in school but made honor roll every year. That drove my mother insane," Meredith almost bragged about it. She didn't talk much about her childhood to anyone. He was different to her.

They both sat and chatted with small talk in between their meal. He learned about how her mother gave her a suture kit for her tenth birthday and her occasional visits from an aunt she didn't name. She talked while he listened carefully, holding on to every last word she was saying. She talked about her kids and each of their talents, how she just knew Scarlett was going to be an amazing surgeon one day and CJ would be the one to break the cycle but she was unsure with what he would do because he is the jack of all trades. They finished the meal, Derek paid and lead her to the car.

"Do you think I should get a dog? CJ is always talking about how much he wants a dog and since he did so well with his surgery, maybe I should get him one."

He looked at her, a look of slight confusion. He didn't know why she was asking him. It wasn't up to him, but he admired how much his opinion mattered to her.

"You should," he nodded.

"I should?" She questioned. He nodded again.

"A great teaching moment. He would learn how to feed the dog, he could join you while you walked the dog. He would love it."

"I am going to get a dog," she stated, then bursting into a giggle. He joined in, watching her watch him. They were stopped at a red light, their giggle faded to just a smile. He slowly leaned in to her, she leaned in. Just as their lips brushed, the car behind them honked the horn and they jumped backwards.

She was grateful for the darkness, it hid the crimson that came across her cheeks. She was almost positive she saw his cheeks blushed as well as they passed street lights. They pulled into her driveway, both getting out the car as he wrapped his arm around her waist, guiding her to the front door.

"I had fun," Meredith smiled, looking into his dreamy eyes as they stepped into the entryway.

"Me too. Let's say we do it again next weekend," he proposed.

"Can't, I am on night shift next weekend because I traded Lexie this weekend for next," she frowned.

"We will figure out a day then," he smiled and leaned down to place a quick kiss on her lips. She looked at him, he looked back at her before leaning in for more. Their lips danced as their bodies connected. Her hands roamed from his back to his sides and back up to his neck. His hands were twirled between her hair. They separated quickly when little foot steps were coming down the stairs.

"Bye," she said as she planted ore shoving him out the door just in time for Cj to appear. He stood at the door for a second, listening to what she said to the boy before guiding him upstairs. He shook his head a little, pulling out his phone and sending her a quick goodnight text before he got into his car and drove home.


	13. Chapter 13

**Rated M for mature content. you have been warned..**

* * *

"Mer," Cristina called as she hurried toward her friend just as she was walking out of the cafeteria.

"You already ate?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah with Lexie and Alex," Mer nodded.

"Well have you heard about the new attending?" Cristina followed Mer as they walked to the elevator.

"No, what do you know?" Meredith was now curious. There hasn't been any recent deaths or people being fired.

"Nelson is retiring. Word is they are getting this big replacement, suppose to give Shepherd a run for his money," Cristina grinned. She did like Derek but she knew Meredith. Mer was dark and twisty, saw everything in gray. Derek was the opposite.

"Wow, where is he from?" Meredith said, eyebrows raised.

"I don't know. I could ask Preston but i doubt he would know. Since Bailey became cheif, Preston doesn't know much anymore," Cristina stated .

"How are you two anyway?" She ask, knowing the answer.

"Things are ok. He keeps bringing up kids. When we got married, we both agreed that our careers come first," she said. Cristina didn't do children, she loved Meredith's kids but from a distance. As they have gotten older, she spends more time with them but she never wanted kids.

"Well you both have careers that are flourished. Things change. Needs change for men. I am not saying you go get yourself pregnant and become a housewife but you need to have a real conversation with him," Meredith said, the look on Cristina's face could have been confused for a look of disgust.

"Yeah I am aware but I haven't even won my Harper Avery yet. Anyway how are things with Shepherd?" Cristina said in a low voice as they walked toward the nurses station.

"Good. He is great with the kids, CJ adores him and Scar loves being able to have her best friend come over a lot," Meredith nodded.

"Have you two, ya know?" Cristina didn't want to be insensitive and come right out.

"No, taking things slow. I don't think I am ready for that step yet," she shook her head. They had been close to but he always asked if she was ready. He knew to take things slow. She really was setting the pace for everything.

"That's good. He is a good guy I guess. Don't you dare tell him I said that," Cristina said and Meredith laughed.

"I won't. What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?" Meredith asked. Usually she and Charlie would go to his family but she didn't want to do that this year.

"Probably ordering take-out. No use in making a big meal for just us."

"Let's have Thanksgiving together this year. Maybe invite Lexie, Mark, and Alex," Meredith suggested.

"I hope you ask Lexie to cook," Cristina joked.

"Shut up. I can cook," Mer rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, if it comes out of a box. Burke can cook a good turkey," Cristina said.

"It's settled," she smiled.

"You inviting Derek?" Cristina asked.

"Inviting me to what?" Derek came out of nowhere.

"Thanksgiving at my house. Just a few friends will come over," she shrugged.

"As long as you aren't cooking, I am in," he chuckled and she shook her head.

"I will tell Alex," Cristina raised her brow as she left the two alone.

"I thought you had a family?" Meredith questioned him.

"I do. I visit on Christmas. You can come if you want," he raised his brows. She shook her head vigorously.

"For one, I don't do big family gatherings. Slow. We are going slow," she muttered as she looked into his eyes. He slowly backed her into the on-call room behind her and closed the door behind them. He took her face into his hands and kissed her deeply.

"I missed you," he whispered. Her breath hitched in her chest, this was different. They hadn't had time to themselves in three weeks due to schedule conflicts. She did miss it. His lips. She had grown fond of their quick sneaky kisses in the hallways and on-call rooms.

"More than you know," she replied and pressed her lips to his again. His tongue slowly found itself against hers as they danced to imaginary music. Their kiss was interupted, as always. Both pagers beeped loudly as they pulled apart.

"ER?" She asked as she fixed her hair quickly and he nodded. They slipped out and down to the emergency room. They were met by Owen, shaking his head.

"DOA, sorry for the page," he said and walked away.

"Dinner tonight?" He asked and she nodded.

"My place at 6," Meredith replied and walked over to the nurses station.

"Didn't her husband die like nine months ago?" One of the interns stated, obviously unaware of Meredith standing behind them.

"Yeah, heard it was a heart attack. Right in the OR. Kind of soon to be sleeping around if you ask me, especially with his replacement," the other intern scoffsd as she turned and her face went ghostly.

"I uh-"

"Enough. Go find your resident and I don't want to see your face again," Meredith spat angerly. She was holding back tears. She didn't think about it much, how long it had been. She had began to move on, the hurt rose in her body as she realized she had forgotten what it was like to feel his skin against her own. Their love was that of storybooks but she couldn't even remember what it was like to be held by him. She hurt, her body craved the touch of a man that was not her husband. She let a tear escape before quickly wiping it away.

"Mer?" Derek whispered as he brushed against her. His hand ran across her shoulder for comfort but she shrugged it away.

"Please just leave me alone," she breathed before walking away. She was doing what she did best. Pushing away. Throwing her feelings into a little box and hiding away. She knew he was following her. She felt his presence as she turned each corner to find herself in her office.

"Meredith, what happened?" He asked as he shut the door behind him. He had patients, but he couldn't shake the feeling that she needed him.

"I miss Charlie. I am falling in love with another man. It feels so wrong, but it doesn't..."

"Huh?"

"Stupid interns," she shook her head.

"Please let me in," he begged, moving closer to her.

"I can't," her eyes shifted, hiding the tears that fell. He took her face into his hands, guiding as his eyes met hers.

"Please," he mumbled, his forehead slowly rested against hers. She collapsed intl his arms, hers resting around his waist as she squeezed tightly.

"I feel guilty. I hate it. I don't want to feel this way. I want to love you. I want to wake up in your arms. I want everything with you. I hate myself for it. I never realized how hard it could be to let go of the love I once had. I have never felt like this in my entire life. I loved Charles more than words ciuld ever explain but you are different. I want more. I want you. I want this to work, I don't know how to make this work without hating myself for it," she rambled on, "and I want to give you my all. Everything. I don't know how to let go of my past love. I do not know if I could ever give you everything. I am afraid to fall again because I will lose myself in you."

He didn't have words. His actions spoke thousands as he slowly kissed her. His lips gently leading their kiss. His hand slowly brushed against her hair, removing it from her face as his other hand caressed her cheek. It was gentle, loving. He wanted to show her the love he felt for her. How much she meant to her. He wanted to convince her of the love he felt and how he qould never hurt her.

"I love you. I want to show you. I want you to feel secure in loving me. You don't have to lose your love for Charles because he will always be a piece of your heart. You had two beautiful children together. He will always be a part of you, one that I accept. It scares me, how much I love you. I never doubted my love for Rose until I met you but I also realize she gave me Zoe. She will always be apart of me but she is my past. You are my future," he said as he pulled away from her. She looked into his eyes, tears welled as she realize this was it. This was what he entire life was missing. She wanted him, in every way, to be hers.

"I love you," she whispered before she guided her lips to meet his. She wanted it, she wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything. She reached for his collar and slowly unbuttoned each button as their lips danced a slow dance.

"I want this to be special," he tried to pull away, knowing where she was going with this.

"I want you, in every way. I want to feel your body against mine. I am going to give myself to you Derek Shepherd," she said and pushed his shirt off his body. The light shinned from the windows in her office and lit ul his bare chest. She took a deep breath, taking in what she was doing as she looked into his eyes. They shinned a dark blue, his breath hitched when she ran her hand down his bare chest, feeling every single part of his body. Her eyes met his once more, a smile spread across her lips which was returned by him.

He took the lead, kissing her again. His tongue danced across her lips and on to hers. His left a trail of kisses down her cheek, leaving a tingle against her skin at every place his lips touched. They landed on her neck, she moved her head to give more access. A moan escaped her lips as he hit a spot in her neck that sent a shiver down her spine. His hand slipped under her shirt, running up her stomach and to her breast. He squeezed gently as his lips pressed against her neck and returned to her lips to dance more.

Things began to move quickly as he took the hem of her shirt and quickly pulled it over her head to reveal her chest. His whole body shook when she quickly removed her bra. He pulled her tight against him, feeling her bare chest against his. Their lips kissed more as he walked backward to the sofa and pulled her down on top of him. He imagined what this feeling would be like for months. Her body against his, it was like magic. She was giving herself to him. He dreamed of this day, he didn't think it would happen the first time in her office. He felt like a virgin all over again when he saw her fully nude body. He couldn't contain himself anymore. She moaned deeply when he finally was able to bury himself into her. It was an amazing feeling, her body was a wonderland. Her touch felt like fireworks, he had not felt this with anyone in his entire life.

"Wow," she exclaimed, laying against his body.

"I love you," he replied, a smile spread across her face as he pecked her lips

"I didn't imagine it would feel like that," she breathed.

"I don't want to move," he admitted.

"Me either. I love this. Your body, my body," she smiled widely. A sigh of relief for Derek, he really thought she would regret this.

"I am glad. I really enjoyed that," he admitted.

"Wanna go again?" She joked and he just laughed.

"I wish. I have patients now but I am excited for dinner tonight," he admitted. He sat up and grabbed his underwear.

"Me too. I had a consult at 2," she giggled as she sat ul and found her own clothing.

"I feel like a teenager," he joked as he tried to fix his sex hair.

"I wish you could stay over tonight," she said.

"Me too. The girls would get too suspicious and I don't think we should tell them yet," he admitted.

"Agreed," she nodded with a smile. He smiled and kissed her quickly.

"See you tonight," he winked as he slipped out of her office. She let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding and smiled. She didn't know it would feel that amazing. He changed her and she couldn't be happier.


	14. Chapter 14

"Did you put the turkey on?" Lexie asked as Meredith opened the door to her sister that carried grocery bags.

"Uh?" Meredith replied as she stood to the side as Mark carried a cassorole dish filled with something she didn't know what it was.

"Of course not. I should have came earlier but Mark insisted to take a shower this morning and not last night," Lexie breathed as she sat down the bags.

"Aunt Lexie!" Scarlett squealed as she ran to Lexie.

"Hi love, I have to start food so go play," she smiled as she preheated the oven and started working.

"Beer?" Meredith offered Mark. He laughed and nodded.

"Where is Derek? He should be here to help," Lexie asked.

"Should be here soon," Meredith couldn't help but smile. Every since they had sex, she had seen him almost every night since.

"He can cook, right?" She ask.

"Yep. He's amazing," Meredith replied with her cheeky smile.

"Mark, wanna go see what the kids are up to?" Lexie suggested. He went without a fight.

"Spill," Lexie smirked.

"Nothing to spill," Meredith replied with the same smirk.

"You had sex," she gasp.

"I did. We did. It was amazing," Meredith sighed. She got chills just thinking about the time they spent together.

"I am so happy you guys found each other. Do the kids know yet?" She ask.

"I think the girls are suspicious but CJ is clueless. He just loves having Derek around."

"When are you going to tell them?" She ask.

"I am not sure. I was waiting until it was a real deal but now it is so I don't know anymore," she shrugged. She grabbes a glass and her wine from the fridge and poured herself and Lexie a glass.

"Hey ladies," Derek interupted the pair.

"Hi," Meredith smiled and happily turned her head as he kissed her cheek.

"Where do I start?" He asked.

"You are on stuffing duty. Meredith, you think you can do cranberries?" Lexie joked as she handed her the cranberries.

"Haha. Piece of cake," Meredith rolled her eyes and went to the stove. Mark came back in and patted Derek on the back as he sipped his beer.

"When is Cristina coming?" Mark asked.

"She will probably show up when the food is ready," Meredith joked.

The four laughed and joked, the kids being heard in the playroom playing together. The dinner was nearly done when Cristina and Preston arrived with a bottle of wine and a side dish.

"Derek, get the kids please and make sure they wash their hands," Meredith spoke as she helped Lexie place the food out on the table. They all began to sit in their seats, Meredith fixed a plate for each of her kids and even one for Zoe as she learned what she liked and disliked. Everyone was seated and began making their own plates as rhe kids ate on theirs.

"Thank you guys so much for helping me and the kids through this year. It has been very rough on us and we couldn't have made it through as well as we did without you guys so," Meredith smiled as she thanked everyone.

"I am thankful for this job opportunity, though it may have not been so great at the start but you all accepted me," Derek added on. Meredith smiled as she rested her hand on his. They all began to eat their meals. The kids finished and placed their dishes in the sink before they were bolting back to play.

"Has anyone heard from Alex?" Meredith asked, noticing he didn't join.

"He is at the hospital. I told him I would bring him a plate by on our way home," Lexie said. They continued to chat and sip on their drinks long after the food was gone from their plates. They laughed and joked, enjoying the evening. The men soon gathered to the living area to leave the women alone.

"Does Cristina know about the sex?" Lexie raised her brow.

"You and Mcdreamy had sex?" Cristina let out a small gasp.

"We did. Let's not make a big deal please," Meredith begged.

"I am happy for you Mer," Lexie smiled. She was placing the dishes in the dishwasher while Meredith was putting food away.

"I am glad you found someone," Cristina spoke as she sipped on her beer.

"He really is great. CJ adores him, they are like two peas in a pod. I think we are going to tell them tonight," Meredith admitted.

"Let me know how it goes. We have to get going. Black friday shopping, what should i get your kids? Cristina asked as she threw her empty bottle in the trash.

"I don't know. Scarlett is getting one of those American Girl dolls from me so maybe clothes for the doll?" Meredith shrugged. Cristina nodded, saying her goodbye before leaving.

"So we gotta go take Alex his food. Let me know how the kids react. I am sure they will be thrilled," Lexie smiled. She hugged Meredith.

"Thank you for everything. I am glad you decided to be my sister," Meredith chuckled. She walked Mark and Lexie out the door before coming back into the home. She went to the living area where the girls were playing with their dolls.

"Room for one more?" Meredith ask.

"Of course mommy!" Scarlett giggled as she handed Meredith her favorite doll and the girls giggled as Meredith played along with them.

Derek went to walk back into the room when he was stopped at the door way. A smile grew across his face while he watched the three play. His heart grew three times the size. He could spend every day watching Meredith play with his daughter, accepting her almost like she was her own.

"Daddy, come play princess with us!" Zoe spoke up when she noticed her father.

"Oh no thank you. Meredith and I need to finish some things in the kitchen then we can watch a movie," Derek smiled. The girls smiled and giggled as Meredith followed him to the kitchen. As soon as they walked into the room, he grabbed her into an embrace and kissed her. She smiled against his lips and pressed them deeper into his.

"I could kiss these lips all day," she breathed against his lips.

"Me too," he placed one more kiss before pulling away.

"I want to tell them. Tonight. Then you can stay the night," she raised her brow.

"Ok," he nodded. He went to find CJ and Meredith went to gather the girls. They met in the living room.

"So before we watch the movie, we have something to tell you," Derek started.

"Me and Derek are dating," Meredith said.

"Are you guys going to get married?" Scarlett asked.

"I uh-" Meredith got flustered at the question.

"We haven't talked about it yet. This is new for both of us," he explained.

"Can we have more sleepovers now that we are going to be sisters?" Zoe asked excited.

"As long as Meredith wants us here Zoe," Derek smiled at Meredith.

"Can we watch Incredibles?" CJ asked, not really grasping the concept that was going to change.

"Sure bud," Derek smiled. The girls hopped on one of the sofa's together, cuddling up under the same blanket. Meredith sat next to Derek, snuggling tl his side with CJ cuddled into her arms. The girls fell asleep before CJ, he was gone not long after them.

"You gonna stay the night?" Meredith whispered, hoping for a yes.

"I guess. I am going to carry CJ to his room," he whispered back as he carefully scooped him up and carried him to his room. Meredith got up and woke the girls up, telling them to go sleep in Scarlett's room. She quietly made it to her room, Derek following. She smiled at him as she removed her shirt and winked. He raised his brows, quickly removing his own shirt before grabbing her up.

"I can't wait to wake up in your arms," she whispered against him.

"Me either," he groaned as he scooped her into his arms and laid her on the bed. She couldn't wait to do this more often, her life was slowly coming back together.


	15. Chapter 15

Derek's eyes fluttered slowly awake. He felt the heat radiating from Meredith as she laid snuggled into his chest. He took a deep breath, taking in her scent. He enjoyed waking next to her every chance he was able to. He placed a kiss on top of her head before wiggling from her grasp. He put a shirt on before tip toeing down the stairs to the kitchen. He started the coffee maker and searched for ingredients to make breakfast. Her pantry bare besides some different types of children cereal and oats. He shook his head, chuckling. The patter of tiny feet came from the stairs and a bright-eyed CJ appeared.

"Morning buddy," Derek smiled at the young boy. His hair a complete mess, he smiled back up at Derek.

"Can you please get me a bowl?" He asked. Derek nodded and grabbed a bowl from the cabinet while CJ grabbed his box of cereal. Derek took the milk and pour it into the nowl after CJ had poured his own cereal.

"Thank you," he spoke as he munched on his cap'n crunch.

"You're welcome," Derek returned as he poured a coffee and got cereal for himself.

"Are you going to be my new daddy?" CJ questioned, catching Derek off guard.

"If me and your mommy get married I will be but for now, I am just Derek," he replied. He thought about marrying Meredith, he knew from the moment he met her that he wanted to spend forever with her. He wanted to grow old with her, watch their children grow up together and get married themselves.

His thoughts interupted with both Zoe and Scarlett emerging to get their own breakfast. Both looked to be still half-asleep.

"Good morning sleepy heads," he smiled at the pair. They both grumpily replied with a mumble.

"Can I go watch cartoons?" CJ ask. Derek nodded. He bolted while the girls quietly ate their breakfast. He took his and CJ's bowl to the sink, rinsing them and placing into the dishwasher. He joined CJ in the living room. He was playing with some of his toy trucks as the television played in the background.

He decided to go back to see Meredith. She still laid asleep, in the same position he left her. He shook his head, gently tapping her. He leaned down, placing a line of soft kisses across her face and shoulder. She grumbled slightly, rolling to the other side and burying her face into one of the many pillows.

"Will you get back in bed please,"she mumbled almost inaudible.

"No, the kids are up. Maybe we could have an outing together. Like to the park or zoo or maybe the aquarium," he offered. She shook her head.

"My bed is cozy, I would like to spend my day off right here," she rolled over and faced him. He smiled immediately, noting her morning beauty.

"Why are you smiling," she said sheepishly, covering up her body and became enveloped into the warmth of her duvet.

"I never knew someone could wake up beautiful like you could," he said charmingly, climbing into the bed on top of her. She squealed with laughter as he wrapped her up and kissed all over her face. They both fell back laughing, out of breath from the horseplay.

"I want to have a family day," he said, proving himself on his elbow as he starred at her.

"Fine. But we are going to the aquarium, the zoo smells so bad and the park is out of the question with the weather," she replied. A quick kiss on his lips before she rolled out of bed and began to get herself dressed.

"I made coffee," he called out to her as he searched for pants in his bag he brought over. He hated the over-night bag. He wished she could come to his home but it was much too small for the five of them. He went down to the kids to find them all playing together.

"So we are going to the aquarium today," he smiled as they cheered.

"Girls go get some clothes on and I will take you to get something picked out," he lifted up CJ and he laughed as Derek tickled him. He was doing much better now that his tumor was gone, he showed no signs that he even had brain surgery with how well he was doing other than being a bit behind the other kids in his class at daycare.

"What do you want to wear?" He asked the boy, sitting him on the floor of his bedroom. He walked over to his closet, his hand rubbed his chin as he looked.

"Hmm, what about my Dino short?" He pointed to the gray shorts with tiny green dinosaurs all over it.

"It's too cold for shorts just. What about just your jeans," he offered. CJ frowned up at him.

"I want shorts," he pouted.

"You can wear shorts when you get home," Derek said, grabbing his pants and a dinosaur shirt.

"Fine," CJ pouted. He stripped to his underwear and Derek helped him a little while he did it almost by himself. They went down to the kitchen where Meredith was packing a backpack of snack items for the kids.

"CJ, go play with your sister and Zoe please," she said sweetly to the little boy that happily ran off and left them alone. Derek smiled at her, moving in closer.

"We have to talk," she spoke in a whisper.

"Mhm, what about?" He replied with a whisper as well, moving close enough to kiss her lightly, noticing how tense she was.

"I'm late."

"What?" He replied, wide eyed. He stepped back a little.

"Two days. I am never late," she replied. Her voice slightly shaken.

"I can go grab a test, I don't think you are, you have the IUD and I used a condom," he whispered. He had no idea what to even think.

"We can on the way home. There was that one night we didn't," she reminded him of the time things got a little too hot and heavy.

"Shit," he mumbled under his breath, running his hand nervously through his hair. They had only been together for a little over six months.

"Right," she replied, placing everything into a backpack.

"Don't think about it. Let's have a nice day with the kids, don't panic over maybe's," she said to him calmly. He didn't know how she could be so calm. He chose to take her advice, just forget it. For now. They were going to have a good day with their kids and that was that.

"Kids, let's go," Meredith yelled out as she went grabbed the backpack. Derek followed and got into the car. He was silent thinking about the news she had gave him. It was so unplanned, they tried to be careful to prevent this from happening. He wasn't sad, a part of him almost excited. He knew he shouldn't be with how long they had been together but he couldn't help but imagine their future. He always wanted a big family anyway but he thought that dream was over after Rose. He didn't even think about kids with Meredith, they never had the conversation. He wanted to know what Meredith was thinking, but she was so hard to read once that wall was up.

"Where do you guys want to go first?" Meredith asked as they parked the car and got out.

"The penguins!" Scarlett exclaimed.

"No! Sharks," CJ said very happily.

"We got time for both, CJ hold my hand," Meredith reached out for his hand.

"No," he shook his head and went to Derek and grabbed his hand. Derek couldn't help but smile, he always wanted a son. He was surrounded by women his whole life, he loved his daughter but he wanted a son. His mind went back to thinking about the possible baby that Meredith was carrying.

"I say we start at the shark tunnel then see the penguins," Derek smiled down at CJ and he smiled back at Derek. Derek grabbed Meredith's hand with his other hand as they all walked together into the aquarium. They went and saw everything, from the sharks to the penguins and the new dolphin exhibit. At the end, they stopped and the kids all got to touch stingrays.

"Where are we going to eat dinner?" Meredith asked as she put hand sanitizer on the kids hands before they began to exit.

"I want pancakes!" CJ said happily and Scarlett agreed.

"Where at?" Derek asked.

"At Ms Patti's" CJ smiled.

"Huh?" Derek asked.

"It's a diner down the street from the house. Charles went there as a kid and he brought us there a lot. The kids love it," Meredith replied.

"Oh ok," he nodded. He first stopped at the store and Meredith ran inside to grab the test and a few items for the house before they went to the diner. They walked in, sitting at their usual booth.

"Well hello there stranger," Patti came up to the table.

"Yes, we have just been so busy. We missed you," Meredith replied with a smile.

"Who's this?" Patti raised her brow at Meredith.

"This is Derek! He's the best and mommy's boyfriend," CJ exclaimed with delight.

"I see. And this must be your daughter?" Patti said, referring to Zoe.

"She is. This is Zoe," he introduced her daughter.

"Well it is nice to meet you guys. What can I get everyone to drink?" Patti smiled. Meredith ordered for her, Scarlett, and CJ while Derek ordered his own and Zoe's. They also placed their food order. They ate as the food arrived fairly quickly and Derek paid while Meredith took the kids to the car. He soon followed and drove them to her house. The kids jumped out and went inside to play what little time they had before Derek and Zoe went home.

"Do you want me to come in the bathroom with you?" He offered to Meredith. She shook her head.

"I think I got this," she giggled a bit before going into the bathroom. Derek's heart raced in his chest. The more he thought of the possibility, the more excited he got. He thought of pregnant Meredith, the little baby they would have together. He knew better than to get his hopes up, it took him and Rose a year to get pregnant with Zoe. He couldn't help but he happy just the thought of it.

Meredith came out, test stick in her hand. She breathed as she sat down next to him.

"We wait five minutes," she replied.

"We should talk," he spoke, placing his hand on her knee.

"I am not ready for another kid," she replied.

"Oh," he said, almost sadly.

"It's still a what if until this turns into a plus sign. We would keep it of course. I just thought I was done after CJ and everything I went through with him. His labor was one for the books. I couldn't imagine ever having another kid, especially after Charles died," she stated.

"I understand. I thought the same. I honestly didn't even think of kids with you just because we both already have kids and I thought it wasn't in the books but I honestly got almost excited after I thought about it," he said honestly.

"Three more minutes," she said. She couldn't help but look down early. Negative. By this time with both of her other pregnancies, the test was positive. A weight was almost lifted when she saw that negative sign. She sat it down on the nightstand and looked at him.

"It's probably negative, it still is and with both kids it was already positive. I can't say having a baby with you would be awful, just bad timing. It's so soon. We are still getting to know each other," she admitted.

"I agree. Just let's see when the time is up just in case. I wouldn't mind having a baby one day with you. I just don't see it right now. Maybe in a few years," he said.

"Maybe. We can talk again in a year or so after it's time for my IUD to come out," she agreed. He leaned in and kissed her gently.

"We just have to be more careful," she replied with a smile. She got up and grabbed the test, without looking.

"Yes. No more scares," he called after her as she went to the bathroom and went to throw away the pregnancy test. Her heart dropped immediately when she caught a glimpse of the faint light that showed up. She turned around and looked at him from the bathroom.

"This can't be right," she said to him from the bathroom. He quickly got up and went to go see the faint line as well. He looked at her, then at the test again. His emotions felt like he was on a rollercoaster. She grabbed the other test from the box and quickly dipped it into the cup she still had from the first. They waited another five minutes for another faint line. Positive.

 **cliffhanger ? haha just had to leave you guys on a good note. sorry my uploads haven't been as consistent as i hoped but life is hard with a six month old that naps onc ea day. hope you enjoy! xoxo**


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